Surviving midlife

Something strange is happening to me.

Snatches of songs of some 15 - 20 years ago have been humming in my brain.

"Sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much, and I want to close my eyes and hide"
or
"I want to hold you till I die, until we dont break down and cry, I want to hold you till my fear in me subsides..."

Memories of people I once loved, or shared an uncommon communication with, flash back. I wonder who they are now?.

At times likes these, I feel I am stuck in some time warp - re-living the songs I loved some years back when I was younger with the flush of youth.
I think I am in the throes of midlife transition!

At the cusp of 40, my soul is telling me to stop and take stock. To trace back the pattern of my life to this point. To ponder life’s eternal verities. To be true to myself. And be prepared for the next phase of my human odyssey by next year, this time.

I dint realise until now, that midlife is indeed one of the major transitions in life. Until now, I had only heard of some of my older near and dear ones complain / explain this phenomenon.

I have been given to understand that if one does not navigate this period well, then we set ourselves for a miserable and disappointed old age.

Birth marked the first major phase of life’s passage. Adolescence came next, when I for one turned from a sweet kid into a door-banging, rebellious monster (my parents will testify).

And now I am at the threshold of midlife – as I now transit from youth into the second phase of life. This usually, by the way, takes place in the late 30s to late 50s (lest you think am on the wrong side of some other decade!)

And ofcourse, my last passage would be the end of my life, when I prepare for the final journey to death (which also can happen anytime, anywhere - beyond my control :)

Is this really the time to accept that we are beginning to age? The body starts telling you in no uncertain terms, anyways – what with a slightly weaker eyesight; slightly more grey hair; a slightly heavier frame – making one wonder if one is also less attractive now. What with late nights no longer giving an adrenaline charge and a headache from a late night that could last for days!

Sigh!

Eminent psychologist, Carl Jung’s theory is that in midlife, psychological needs repressed through ones growing up years force their way up to the surface of the conscious. (No wonder am so crabby these days)

So if you had always wanted to be, lets say, a mountaineer but got sucked into making a living for yourself and the people dependent on you, then you may find yourself in your 40s and 50s valiantly attempting to scale Everest.

Some people respond to the fears of ageing by aggressive denials. This is what lies behind middle-aged men’s sudden penchants for sweet young things, racy cars and flashy clothes – trying to re-create their swinging youth! (uff these men will never learn)

Guys, denial only postpones the moment reckoning. Imagine its like eating lots of garlic and then try to hide it with mouthwash. That odour just oozes out of your pores, thus making you smellier and messier :) :) :)

I am trying to face upto myself now-a-days – trying to reflect through the layers of time, through the masks donned over the years, to a place where I am most myself - all this through lofty dreams and success, through failure and rejection, lost illusions and shattered hopes.

I think I am getting more and more determined to live some of my dreams and choose to relinquish others. A self discovery; a process of self integration – with strands from who I was to who I have become to who I will be.

My life’s choices, so far – my Achilles heels – that caused me to stumble and land up being unfullfilled until now – to some of my angel props (my parents and best friends), my tools through difficulties. I have stifled through wilderness – but with some elation that I lived by my principles.

And most of all, to my surprise and wonder, through the sadness of lost dreams and broken heart and missed opportunities – and now the elation of discovery that all may not still be lost - through it all, a sense that, at the cusp of 40, I am (hopefully) returning home, to who I am meant to be.

Poached truths

1. In life just dont trust people, who change their feelings with time..... instead trust those people whose feelings remain the same, even when the time changes.....

2. Never explain yourself to any one. Because the person who likes you dosen't need it, and the the person who dislikes you won't believe it.

3. Dont let someone become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in their life..... relationships work best when they are balanced.

4. The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understand you; its when you dont understand yourself.

5. What we are today is a result of our own past actions; whatever we wish to be in future depends on our persent actionsl decide how you have to act now.

We are responsible for what we are, whatever we wish ourselves to be.

We have the power to make ourselves.

6. Over the same sea, on the same winds; A ship sails in one direction, another in opposite. Its not the wind that decides which direction the ship goes; Its the sails; how they are tied and how they are maneuvered.

Similarly, its not just our fate that decides where our life is going; its also about how we take life and where we want to take it!

Stay firm Mr Prime Minister

India's accidental PM has been called a weak man, an indecisive man, a man who is merely the public face of the real PM who is the Congress Party leader Sonia Gandhi.

There is nothing further from the truth.

It is true he is an accidental PM. It is also true that he is not the quintessential politician. He has not been scalded by the heat, dust and grime of Indian politics. And to top it all, he is an MP in the upper house of Parliament from a State in which he has never ever lived!

But Dr Singh is in no way weak. Rather he is a man of principles and conviction. That is where the BJP and the commi’s have got it all wrong. They failed to understand that an accidental PM could become a real PM once in the job! If the leftists had tried to look at Dr Singh without their red ideological lenses, the present political crisis in Delhi over the Nuke deal would not have come to this who-blinks-first point.

Anyways, truth and honesty wins. And it did last week!

For the past 4 years, BJP leader Mr Advani has been calling Dr Singh a weak man. Now the entire opposition is calling the latter tough and unbending. Guys, you can’t have it both ways!

Actually, I feel when the dust settles, it is Mr Advani who is mostly likely to go down in history as a weak opposition leader who could not get his party to back a deal which they fundamentally believe in and actually initiated. This would have happened even if the government would have fallen last week in Parliament.

The BJP believes in close ties with USA, but its leader can’t muster enough courage to say that to his party or the country!

Shame!

The “weak principle” that the left believes in has led to the turmoil. They thought Mrs G would take the final call, and if push came to shove, she would baulk at sacrificing a government over a deal which may not even eventually happen if Obama comes to the White House in Jan 09.

This Mr Red’s was your first mistake.

Dr Singh had given his word to Bush and you all thought that there could be no such thing as “a word of honour” these days!

You guys were patently wrong!

The second mistake was the you Red’s did not understand the relationship between the PM and his party leader Mrs G who herself is a reluctant politician. You thought this was a master and servant relationship! I think the two of them – Dr Singh and Mrs G share a unique relationship of deep respect which is virtually absent in the Indian political system and rare in countries.

Dr Singh you put down your foot for the right reasons –the nuke deal is not just about a strategic relationship but it’s also of India coming of age and the ending of ‘nuclear apartheid’.

Now after all the political drama – it’s a different story - a stronger PM with more shaper teeth. These few extra months will put the PM on the fifth gear on economic reforms and dare devil deals, a free hand to overhaul India.

And if this accidental PM comes back for a second term he will have the greatest impact on modern Indian history, and might be able to make his place among the pantheon of great world leaders.

And then the Left would be left wondering why it blew its chances to shape the nation’s course!

And wonder where the BJP would be!

:) :)