In the “middle” of everywhere and yet nowhere!

After spending nearly 4.5 years in Singapore, I came back to my base, Delhi, on a transfer, 3 months back.

I must confess that settling back into life – at work and home – has not exactly been a cake walk! – the weather, pollution, traffic, total loss of my space and my time and the endless deadlines and pressures of being back in the HQ – et al…..yeah, I sound every bit like one of those snotty, spoilt NRI’s returning to motherland.

But I am not totally off tack.
My angst, especially evident since then, driving around Delhi, which has given me more than enough time to think of my own class, the middle class!

Not that driving gives you time on hand, but traffic jams do.
These jams and traffic lights and the endless wait has given me enough time to ruminate on the sad spectacle that is the Indian Urban Life.

And that leaves me with a lot of anger towards the middle class and the government.

Just merely living in Delhi one may not notice the kind of things that would detain unless you really hit the road.

The most noticeable is the way people, these middle class drive – these people invariably do not like to wait at traffic lights; they are the ones who will make a right or left turn without bothering to indicate and yes these are the same middle class who will straddle lanes and overtake from the wrong side and that too at high speed!

Oh and not to miss the jams that the middle class are confronted with and the ease with which they swing out of the lane and drive to the top of the queue in the way of the coming traffic !

And yet we young, middle class are amongst the most self-righteous and complaining – and yet this is the tribe that believes in high speed drunken driving killing anything coming in their way – even the mighty Delhi Cop is not safe these days!

Yes these very urban, educated middle class, often well-travelled citizenry of our great country will park where they are not supposed to, they will ignore or quarrel the traffic cop directing some semblance on these horrid dug up Delhi roads, or in some narrow colony lane, their fancy cars will be parked protruding making sure no one can pass or they will in the name of greening their immediate environment make flower beds or build a canopy for their chowkidars – taking up half the public road space !

I really wonder why do we the middle class behave in such a inconsiderate and often dangerous way? Is it out of a sense of entitlement and impunity that we have stopped caring, caring about each other fellow human beings?

And despite all that we have achieved, we the middle class love (its almost fashionable) to blame the government or the disadvantaged for everything, without any self-consciousness.

No I am not another Arundhati Roy in the making, fighting for the no-cause!
I am certainly not claiming that the disadvantaged are above any blame – what about the defacement of buildings, public property, spread of refuse, peeing in public (an Indian male fantasy) – don’t these people realize this is ugly and unhygienic?!! But then why blame them – it’s the government (rightfully for this class) to be blamed. Ordinary people are truly disadvantaged.

The ordinary class do not have a sense of ownership of public spaces, where we the middle class think, we own everything and have a sense of impunity because we pay taxes and money can buy everything else that we don’t own! But is this justification enough for us the middle class?

The government does not prosecute the middle class when it breaks the rules and neither does it provide the ordinary class – then why blame them then?

After sixty years and 1 trillion worth an economy, the government is still cowardly, complacent and cruel; the ordinary class is still remains less than ordinary and the middle class ? – has just about lost it all!

This is the sad bitter truth about everyday life in this great country of ours.

What a Dilemma!!

The four years I have been living in Singapore and overseeing work in the region for my organization, one of the toughest countries to crack has been Malaysia.

And I have always wondered why?

Malaysia, I thought, was a moderate muslim state that served as a model for others.

25 million people, amazing infrastructure, rich natural resources, great tourist destinations, cheap labor costs – and the list seemed endless.

Malaysia - seemingly - a country of great promise.

Especially after 9/11, successive Malaysian PM’s have tried to work hard to ensure that Malaysia remains a moderate country that perhaps could serve as a bridge between the west and the muslim world.

But it does not seem to be so.

Malaysia has a bhumi policy which it makes it damn hard (virtually impossible) for an overseas company to set shop in that country.

Imagine, now children are being forced to study maths and science in malay and not English anymore!

Just today there are key headlines screaming that KL has banned muslims from attending a pop concert.

And a few days back the story of canning a Malay muslim lady called Kartika who was caught drinking beer in a pub with her husband is becoming more murky and political!

Imagine all this in today’s day and age!

This lady is guilty according to a syriah law. And what is more baffling is that this lady, a former model, accepted her guilt and wants to be canned publicly!

I don’t understand how and why is a so called democratic country where there all the key pillars of democratic institution exist is a citizen being tried by Syriah law.

And does it mean that the federal government, which is democratically elected, cannot intervene to save her.

Obviously there seems to be a complicated and perhaps problematic relationship between religion and politics.

As it is the UMNO is being labeled as blurring the borderline between Islam and politics after three decades of state driven islamisation during the Mahatir rule.

But interestingly, Dr M, at the age of 86, has asked in his blog if Malaysia would celebrate its independence on 31st August with the canning of a lady!

And the current PM has asked the lady to appeal against the sentence.

To an outsider, based on what I read and hear, the political parties in Malaysia seem to defending their Islamic credentials at the same time trying not to gain the reputation at the taleban of Afghanistan!

And the irony is that it is these parties that wondering why there is a fuss being made by the other countries on this canning issue.

When I go to KL, I don’t really seem to get much of a sense of these hard-line stances on the streets except of course all Malay women wearing the head gear.

There seems to me a disconnect that adds a very surreal air to the going-on in Malaysia today. Today you have a government that is worried that if this lady does not get canned now, they may compromise their stand with the conservatives and on the other hand is Malaysia’s international image.

Like it or not, Malaysia depends on trade with the western world, and not with Afghanistan!

This is a dilemma that Malaysia faces today – and there seems little consensus on how to proceed!

Uneasy lies the Head that wears the crown!

Slogans don’t seem to be working!
Lifting bans on opposition journals don’t seem to be working!
Even releasing detainees held without trail don’t seem to be working!

It seems whatever approach Malaysia’s new PM Najib seems to be making is falling flat!

This is because all of the above and more are actually meant to be and are being seen as nothing but a political spin.

Public cynicism towards the political establishment is at an all time high……..right since the election results in which Barisan National lost 5 states to the opposition and Mr Badwai finally loosing his job in the bargain as well.

And now whatever the Najib Administration is doing or at least seemingly doing is not working.

To me it seems the Malaysians are finally, consciously learning how to differentiate spin from sincerity over the last few years, to the extent that any further spin will merely aggravate public cynicism further.

I have had the honour of meeting PM Badwai last year in September at his office in Putrajaya. An amazingly soft spoken humble man with phenomenal knowledge but sadly no political acumen…….he seemed to be a little too honest for his job!

He came into power in his first term on a surge of hope following the retirement of the authoritarian Dr M.
Mr Badwai brought a sense of freedom in 2004. Many wished to believe that Mr Badwai would reform the United Malays National Organisation (Umno) – people were generous then.

At that time it was not obvious to people how badly the institutions of the State had deteriorated over the last two decades of Mahathir rule.
People were just too euphoric that the Dr M era was over……..but then the cracks began to show and people no longer wanted remain generous. And the cynicism was being fanned by none other than resurrected Anwar Ibrahim.

Mr Badwai was just too careful about how reforms would undermine what he saw as the mainstay of his power and this tentativeness led him no where but out of his job.

Cut to March 09 – the slogan by the Najib Administration of ‘One Malaysia’ – people first – has been causing a fair share of confusion by a great measure of disparagement.

After the Mongolian model episode, the cynicism is so high is that the ban that was lifted on the two opposition journals was viewed orchestrated and to be taken away immediately afterwards.
Similarly, the release of the ISA detainees was considered a superficial gesture – Internal Security Act is one of the most controversial and contentious issues in Malaysia today.

The fear that reforms carried out too fervently could capsize the boat shared by so many power-holders is very strong in the system.
If the idea of Mr Najib is to convince the people that he means business, then he should carry out serious institutional reforms instead of just talking about them.

Nothing worth doing can be without a backlash, and nothing worth doing can protect all interests. That is the point of reforms.
I think the Nike slogan of “just do it” will surprise the public and the opposition and save the Umno and BN – leaving no time for anyone to react.

With the Malaysians not in a mood of being generous anymore, Mr Najib cannot be authoritarian like Dr M and nor can he afford to be tentative like Mr Badawi.

Then what is PM Najib left with? – Fate? – indeed he has very little choice.
He has to do to the establishment what the opposition threatens to do – reform the system, no matter what, without hesitation.

The trend is towards greater openness in Malaysia today.
Today, the Petronas Board can find fault with a Oxford educated PM nominee, and reject him!

The Malaysian people (not the power holders or brokers) are feeling empowered like they have ever felt before.

Mr Najib has to act – not against society – but against his own system – that he leads – and that put him where he is!
And he has to act fast!

Is it really all about money, Honey!

The recent Madoff episode and the numerous people, mostly retired, who are facing the specter of loosing their entire life savings – what a situation to be in!
This is not the only stand alone issue.
Several thousand (perhaps millions worldwide) people have got hurt and lost a lot right from the fall of the Lehman Brothers.

All this has got me thinking about my Dad too - a typical army officer, life for him has always been about rules, respect, valor and sacrifice.
He has never been a savvy investor. Many a times during my growing up years, I have seen my father sitting in his study in the gathering twilight, pen in hand and furiously calculating!
And sometime the mood at home would be glum due to one of his miscalculations or wrong judgment on some investment. I remember one particular one called ‘Kuber’ where he along with a lot of his fellow retired officer friends lost their pension money.

I remember the worry on his face. I am sure it’s been agonizing for him and many like him to see their hard-earned money disappear just like that!
And thank heavens, after having burnt his fingers badly enough to stop making such investments!

Money, money, money…..that’s all the world has been talking since Lehman went bust last September, triggering a global financial crisis that is still being played out and the latest ugly turn that it has taken in the form of greedy AIG.

No one has been spared it seems. Even if you don’t have a Lehman-linked product that is now worth zero, your livelihood would have been hard hit by the general downturn.
Every day it’s about job losses, home mortgages, negative growth and a free fall of markets into a bottomless pit….gloom, doom and more gloom…!

We need money to survive – there is no question about that!
Just ask any these people affected.

BUT – the thing about money is that it brings out the worst in people.

How many people are crying foul about “mis-selling” were genuinely “mis-sold” and how many are riding the “we-were-wronged” bandwagon!
How many have the courage and honesty to admit that they had bought the products knowingly and that they simply made a bad investment!

Well, Tough luck!!

Money – especially the sudden presence or the sudden lack of it in one’s life – has the power to change the way a person behaves.
The effects could be positive – you becoming a kinder person, BUT it’s usually negative, I think.

Most striking aspect or evidence is that it breeds envy.

This green eyed monster can buy tangible and material things tied to desires – big house, flashy car, swanky watch, and dream holidays – et all.
And when we see another person having all this and more, we feel the other is one up on us! And then some people act in strange ways – some become sycophantic towards the wealthy, others hate the rich.

I have seen relations breakdown, siblings becoming enemies – all over a few dollars and cents.

But then just as money is the root of much evil, so too is the lack of it.
Poverty can drive desperate deeds.

But as I recently heard at a gathering of rich NRI friends - the only way not to think of money too much is when one has a great deal of it! (Has to come from a rich bored expat wife)

Sic!

I personally feel that money has limited ability to make you happy.
I remember reading in a recent Forbes issue (where it declared all the billionaires) – correlation between wealth and happiness is small, accounting for about 1 per cent of the happiness.
Same level of happiness is measured between the mega-rich on the Forbes list and Africa’s Masai herdsmen, who live in dung huts.

Though like everyone else, I too wish I had more money.
It’s sad and frightening to be in position of people who have lost all their savings perhaps in a quest for a better life.
For them now it’s a matter of life and death, literally.

But what I’ve also realized is that, should you be lucky not to be in financial straits but are doing just okay money-wise, then sit tight. Don’t let the pursuit of money rule your life.
I know it sounds a bit trite – but there are things that money cannot buy.

When I look back at the few happiest moments of my life, they most certainly have nothing to do with money or the possession of material things.
I think what brings deeper and more lasting happiness are the intangibles and not the diamonds, the designer clothes and other fancy trappings of daily living.
In my list, the top of the list is the fact that one is loved and cared for. No amount of money could buy that feeling. You cant even pay someone to feel this for you!
BUT if the person whom you want all this from gives you that, consider your life rich, very rich! :)

As Oscar Wild said “ordinary riches can be stolen from a man, real riches cannot. In the treasury house of your soul are infinitely precious things that cannot be taken from you”

In these tough times, perhaps we ordinary souls can take some comfort from those words.

Oh - dont forget Asia!

Across the USA and the world the message of change is still perhaps resonating even as the Obama Administration struggles through its series of faux pas in the midst of the global economic crisis and the American entanglement in two wars!

Anticipation and aspiration is still alive.

After 8 years of Bush ignoring Asia, atleast Obama has started on the right note of engaging with Asia.
There was worry and speculation as Asia did not feature strongly on Obama’s campaign trail or even in the run-up to his inauguration.
Yet now it seems Asia represents a new and necessary dimension in America’s foreign engagements.

In the last 8 years Asia has grown immeasurably.
Obama realizes that. The hawkish Hillary Clinton also perhaps does now.
The regions growth is not just in economic terms only. Asians have a growing confidence to deal with their own issues and contribute to global governance.

While Obama has been talking of going more multilateral, he must recognize that the global community now has more stakeholders than just the established powers of Europe and Japan. New forms of global governance and new ways of engaging rising Asian powers (read India, China and Indonesia) will be critical for America’s success.
America’s Asia policy cannot just be a tidy box of simple bilateral relationships alone. There is a need to see broader implications for the region and on the global regimes.

A central challenge will be to link Asia policy with priority global issues.
And the role of India and China has come about even more clearly now in the current global economic crisis.
And the United States cannot ignore this anymore.

Ties with China have to mature despite the differences over issues of Tibet; inflated Yuan and ever increasing military might.
On North Korea, Climate Change and other fronts, USA and China have to learn to manage to co-exist and show the ability to cooperate.

While in India, many claim that it was Bush who first acknowledged India’s rightful stature in the world, is being celebrated. But this I feel can be a mixed blessing - not for India, as much as it for USA to counter explanations on Iran and North Korea getting more room to have a say on nuclear issues.

Can Mr Obama continue the now close relation with India what with an unstable and prickly Pakistan and a 'beyond repair' Afghanistan without bringing in the touchy Kashmir issue?

The new President cannot afford to compartmentalize problems between what are global issues as opposed to issues limited to particular Asian countries. Remember, terrorism and religious jihadist has no borders or loyalty!

While Mr Obama is busy grappling with pressing domestic and global priorities, he has to at critical junctures understand the Asian perspectives. He has to be pragmatic and open minded and has to think newly and differently about Asia.

Mr Obama has already started taking the right steps, even if they are baby steps …..towards Bush’s inattention to a ‘forgotten war’ in Afghanistan.

Relationships depend not only on having a new or the right policies.
Success or failure often rides on the people driving these polices.

Mr Obama, on the whole, has brought this new optimism for solving the problems of the world.
But a difficult agenda lies ahead of him and even the best and the brightest will be challenged!

(ab)normal life!

I always feel awkward when I bump into friends who are married and also have kids in tow!
Especially, I am at a loss on how to behave with their kids…..I usually tend to overdo the ‘oh so cute’ bit or swing the other way by totally ignoring the child.

And I have come to realize that I don’t really know how to behave.

As someone who has never been a mother and with the only children in my life being a 2 month old nephew who is in India, I am unfamiliar with young people and find myself acting unnaturally around them. I simply lack the instincts that parenthood brings along.

At the cost of annoying some parents, I use an analogy, because I love dogs and have had so many, I’m at home with them – when to pat, when not to, how to tickle and I think of nothing in flicking away some dirt on a stranger’s dog even. But it’s a different matter with children.

And by the way no I am not brooding about not having kids as yet.

But now its occurring to me that since I am not married (as yet) and obviously do not have kids as yet….my life’s experiences are obviously very different from those of the majority of ‘normal’ women go through.

Does that make me less of a woman? I am sometimes made to feel so…..(like just today I was told by someone very close to me that I need to step aside and analyze myself)……

Take my long lost friends that I am now seem to be connecting on the face book. The last time we were together, single like me and then in the interim have gotten married and also gotten several kids now.

My mind boggles at how eventful their lives would have been in the past 10 – 15 odd years – meeting a partner, preparing to get married, setting up a home, adapting to becoming a wife, have kids et all………while all this is still alien to me, it’s what ‘normal’ women apparently are supposed to go through! – Seemingly all part of a natural cycle of life.

My life on the other would seem unnaturally arrested.

Though the cares and concerns that I faced in my 20’s are not any different today, not that much has changed either.

And I am not complaining. As I have also maintained there are loads of things to cheer about being single….including the fact that most of my (married) friends commend me on my status and say how lucky and wise I am :)

But as age beckons and also because I am no longer so footloose and fancy free, I do wonder at times if I’ve missed out on the experiences that most ‘normal’ women go through, and am I less complete as a human being because of it (my mother would be most happy to hear this)

I see my friends around…..all so connected with their kids (and yet cribbing) that in my idle moments I am a wee bit curious on what would my life have been – more fulfilled? less self-centered? Frazzled? Guess, it’s the same not being a wife too!

Again I am not looking at couples enviously….it does not matter how I love my single life; it does not matter that I have all the personal space in the world; it also does not matter what I’ve achieved in my career…..but what matters is that I am not married as yet and what matters more is that I don’t have kids as yet!

It does not matter that being in a marriage also, one can be alone and lonely and it does not matter that marriage is not a binding contract or a guarantee of a ‘happily ever after’ life either (99 per cent of the time I am told its true!).

It does not matter how many boyfriends I’ve had or might have; it does not matter if there are men who care for my well being.

Maybe the fact remains that no one has been mad enough about me – and I for him – for us to have embarked on a journey together.

Then is something really wrong me? Is this all there is to life?
Am I not capable of being loved and loving – deeply and permanently?
Am I not good enough? Do I have bad karma? Am I too fussy?
Don’t I deserve more?
Have I failed as a human being?

These BIG facts apart ............ all this is still a little too Puzzling to me – about me!.
Hmmm – anyways these feelings came because I was told so today to analyze myself – step aside of myself and analyze….well if this the current script of my life, then why bother!

It is often said that life is what you make of it, so I am thankful to God for what I have – the alternative could have been worse!

Gimme a break..!

I am such a pathetic traveler it’s not funny.

How I wish I was one of those women who can walk into a plane looking chic, wearing a floaty dress and heels and carrying just a tiny hand-bag, who can sleep seated upright and look beautiful and who, at the end of a 10 hour journey, exit the plane looking as fresh as a daisy!!

Such women really do exist. I’ve seen them. I’m just not one of them!

Even short flights leave me looking and feeling something like a cat dragged in.

I travel a lot (mostly on work BUT once in a while on Holiday too!) and mostly disappoint myself!

Instead of wearing something vaguely stylish, I am in my uniform of track pants and dark blue fleece jacket and sneakers.
And instead of strolling into the cabin with a dainty hand bag, I lug a bulky carry-on in which I pack two books (which I never got down to reading!) and a shawl (which I never use because I am wearing my fleece jacket!) – oh how very auntie like!

And when I was on a over night flight to USA last Sept (with the above dress code and accessories) I couldn’t manage more than two hours of sleep and I tossed and turned like a pretzel. To top it off – I caught a cold (which I do even when some one sneezes two houses away!) – a draught from the cabin ceiling was blasting on my head, causing my eyes to tear, nose to run and throat to be parched!

And I emerge from the flight with bloodshot eyes, dry lips, flat hair, bad breath and a drippy red nose.

Pathetic na?!

I know some one must be wondering why I’m silly to care about how I look when I travel. Comfort rather than style is what matters and if wearing track pants and sneakers give me that, why am I whining?

My problem is that I subscribe to the romance of travel, yes, even in this age of expensive things, low increments, no holidays, budget airlines and metal detectors.

Flying off to a strange land, savoring new experiences with no care in the world, eating, shopping and generally having fun – travel is glamorous, in theory atleast, and I certainly want to dress the part.

Sadly, I always look crumpled when I’m on a holiday.

I am yet to master the knack of creating the perfect holiday look with the wardrobe where I can travel light and yet look wow! I also lack the discipline to dress up with whatever clothes I do take along.

My countless experiences have proven that holidays don’t turn out quiet as perfect. And its become pointless to make any efforts if one is not enjoying in the first place.

The root of the problem is that I put too much hope on what a holiday can do for me. Unlike those real travel lovers, I leave home not so much because of the pull of a certain destination but the push to get away from my routine – whenever I’m stressed out at work and need to unwind, and when I feel the desire to escape from something that is bugging me in my personal life.

And my expectations are too unreasonable – thinking going away will change my life. That not only will I immediately morph into a happier, healthier, slimmer and calmer person when I step on foreign soil, but that upon return I will be refreshed, recharged and still embracing that new me!

If only life was that easy.
I have come to realize that my life is tough, stressful and unfair; going away on a holiday won’t change that one bit.
And even if a holiday has been enjoyable and I do carry the afterglow of it when I return, the holiday high dies in a matter of days and I’m back to my tough and unfairly stressful existence.
Nothing changes…….infact one feels even worse when the holiday dint meet the expectation.

Travel might be overrated, holidays may disappoint, but who will ever say no to going on a trip?

I know I cant wait to travel again ……I am already imagining touching moments of family bonding and adorable antics of my one month old nephew and the long drive in Chilly Delhi and the crispy lamb and papri chaat …..umm very special moments with those special ones!

Guess……"life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, but rather to skid sideways, upside down, totally worn out, shouting"... holy moly….what a ride!" ......and what a holiday! :)