Life's reset button

In the last few months, life has been staring me in my face, head-on!

My mind wanders when I attend funerals.

I look around at the people who show up and wonder what sort of crowd would attract at my own funeral. I wonder how they would send me away, what kind of things would people say etc etc......In my short and yet not so short life, I have been through enough myself, heard, seen, felt the pain and joy of people around me.........but most importantly I ask myself : should my life end tomorrow, would I have been happy with the way I lived?

The answer turns on two key things, I think.
It is, first knowing what it is exactly that will make you happy.
Then secondly - and more importantly - it is having the guts to do it, for life has a strange uncanny what of whittling down options.

A case in point is the life of this lady, who is a friend of my friends. Lets call her Jen.
I got to know of Jen's rather sad and tragic life in one of those long lazy weekend discussions my friend and I get into ever so often about life and our times......there is so much hatred, lonliness, sadness, pain and un-fulfillment around!

Gosh - it really must hurt hell-va-lot.
It hurts so much that I don't even know how badly I'm hurt!

Anyways, getting back to Jen - a young professional, doing exceptionally well with an MNC, living alone. She has been in a relation with a married man for the last 15 years of her life! The man while completely and obsessively in love with her has not got around to marrying her as yet. Reasons are several - children were growing up; could not ditch his wife since she had no other means to live despite the fact that he does not love her and claims a 'functional' relation only with her; his old parents etc etc.

(I personally think he is a weak man and his fear of shame trumps taking real hard decisions)

Today, that man is back with his wife (because she threatened to leave him and the fear that his kids will disown him) Jen is heart broken and alone and lonely and can’t focus on her life. She has no way forward (at least for now). The only life she has known was dedicated to this man, centered on him, his happiness, his career, his duties and commitments.

While my friend has tried and tried hard to get her moving on in life………I don’t think she has been successful.

I have reasoned out with my friend that maybe, just maybe Jen is lucky to have gotten out of this scenario NOW and not later. Imagine, Jen could have been a discontented mother in a loveless marriage also.

Anyways, now, finally Jen will (hopefully) decide to move on. As they say, time is a great healer and no-one ever really died of a heartbreak! (ya ya I know I sound cynical)

The difference between the two scenarios (1. being in a dead-end relation and 2. taking a hard decision to move on) still takes my breath away. The second one is not easy. But it’s something the societal conviction insists Jen will not regret. The first one made her follow her heart and something / someone she really wanted! (But alas life has an uncanny way of whittling down dreams and love)

But now, whether forced case or otherwise, she has some figuring out to do in life.
Jen’s story is not the only story out there, of course. Many people, I have come across in life have altered their course in life to achieve happiness.

But I’ve also come across many who have not, even though it seems that they want too!

I don’t blame them because life can impose some very real constraints on people – from bread-and-butter issues; to expectations and conventions laid by society etc etc.

But then there are people like Jen who have hit the reset button on life once again, and try and get to where they really want to be.

Truth in life is that one can never ever be 100 per cent happy with life. The trick is to get away from zero and try and head for ‘around the 70 per cent mark’ at least!

So what if I really die tomorrow, I will at least go with a smile and my pocket fuller with what I’ve done than things left undone!