Does it really matter what others think of you?

Recently, in one of my friends organizations the mother of all performance reviews was embarked upon - a 360-degree feedback!
The aim was for them to become more aware of their shortcomings, work to improve them and hopefully become better managers.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been apprehensive about hearing feedback about myself.

In school, I’d cringe at my teacher’s remarks on my report cards, even if they tended to be positive ones like “pleasant”, “polite”, “quiet” (guess I was a trouble free child)

At work, I approach the year-end appraisal with a heavy heart.
Mostly because I have never ever been told anything just given a decent raise and a promotion as and when due.
And when I am told anything if at all, I take the positive comments about myself with a pinch of salt because inside I know I’m not that great a person or worker.
Yet I react to negative comments with some umbrage because I know I’m not that bad a person or worker either.

My friend was pretty down and out on some of the comments and reactions she got.
And while I have been trying to get her out of this phase, since then its got me thinking to on some basic home truths.

It is hard to please everyone, and not everyone is going to like you even if you try and win them over.
It works the other way round too – you don’t have to like everyone, even people whom others like!

So much of human interaction, whether at work, at home or in a social setting, has to do with chemistry.
You either have chemistry with a person or you don’t, and you will know it the instant you meet.

I have realized in all the ‘gyan’ that I have been parting to my friend, that chemistry is hard to manufacture.
It can be a passing thing and need not lead to a friendship. If it does, it can also die when the relationship ends. Chemistry is no guarantee that ties between two people will last forever.

It is also a different animal from love, or lust, at first sight. You can fall head over heals for someone yet realize later there’s no chemistry between you!

Whew!

Sometimes for no rhyme or reason, I can click with the several people I have to meet. Some I am just polite too and make small talk and there is nothing to talk after the introductory pleasantries were over. Conversation frayed.

With some other people, I just click, for no rhyme or reason!

Whew!

These human relations!

There are some colleagues / people whom I just with. I can share a joke or sarcastic comment and know they will get where I am coming from, and me them.
Others I feel awkward with and even if there’s nothing unpleasant between us, I would even avoid going into a lift with them.

I suppose the kind of people we get along with says a lot about ourselves. Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we do land up measuring people against our own interests and values. Those who seem to have a similar outlook – even if its just a gut feel – you land up connecting with them.

It does hurt when you realize someone doesn’t like you, but should it really matter? Should you really care about what others think of you?

I suppose in a work situation where the reason you are there is to get work done, and its hard to do so without teamwork.

But beyond my immediate surroundings and the people who matter to me, I couldn’t care less!
I personally start with the belief that I must be nice to everyone. But if its not reciprocated or I cant connect with the other person, with or without bad vibes, so be it.
I just move on and never look back.

I cant control how others think or act. What I can control is how I think or act.
Life is too short to be marred by unpleasantness – be it people or circumstances.

Guess we can’t be indifferent and immune to human interaction, but to keep it sane, I would like to surround myself – yes, all 360 degrees – with those I can click with ONLY!