Singlism!

Singapore is at it again……marriage and making babies are back in the news.
It’s enough to make a single person weep.

Every couple of years, the problem of Singapore not having enough babies is resurrected and the nation then plunges into soul searching.
And then the government announces some fresh incentives to get Singaporeans to marry and have kids and then the matter rests again until it resurfaces a few years later!

And while I am not a Singaporean yet, such measures of marriage and parenthood do smack of singlism!

Singlism? – yes this is a word that has been concocted to depict the negative stereo-types and discrimination against people who are not married as yet!
Well the term can include folks who are divorced and widowed, but it mostly applies to those like me who have not walked down the aisle as yet!!

And this is yet another time of the year, when my friends here get charged up about me giving up my singlism and debate endlessly as to why and how I am in this state?!

Sigh!!

Well friends, Singles are single for different reasons.
Some want to get be married but can’t find the right partner.
Others genuinely prefer the unmarried lifestyle.
And there are those who have a (live-in) partner but don’t see the need to marry, OR can’t marry – gays and lesbians come to mind.

Unlike other forms of discrimination like racism (Obama is facing it) and sexism (first Hilary and now poor Sarah Palin is suffering it), singlism is not overt, which makes it all the more invidious.

In our society, prejudices have in fact become so ingrained that one does not even bat an eyelid at them. The usual thinking goes….if singles are slighted, too bad, it’s their problem for being ultra-sensitive, not society’s fault for being insensitive.
Singles are perceived as some alien life form!

An article in on the internet notes, how married people feel if the tables were turned? How would they like it if, upon announcing that they are getting married, they get pitiful looks and remarks like …’hey don’t worry, your turn to divorce will come soon’!

Ah well, singles have long learnt that name calling should not hurt us. BUT institutionalized form of singlism does!
At the work place, it’s the singles who have to cover up for married colleagues when they time off for baby fever, or when the maid has run away or there is a PTA to attend. When it comes to taking leave during the real holiday season, it’s the parents that get priority.
I understand in companies with night shift, it’s the singles who are rostered for these slots. And when colleagues go on maternity leave, the singles have to pick-up the slack – for the same pay!

In some companies, rewards are given for paid-for trips, where married people can take their spouses and kids along, but a single can’t take the boy/girl friend or parent even!

In Singapore, its even worse - tax relief for married women for foreign maid levy; housing perks and tax reliefs for married etc etc.
That means, singles get no respite even if hiring a maid is to look after aged parents!

Such a difference in benefits!
Oh the unfairness of it all!

Do singles really not matter at all in society? Do singles perform no family obligations? (like looking after aged parents)

At the cost of sounding cynical, parenthood comes with responsibilities and sacrifices – live with it. And are not the children a reward in themselves that you still clamour for more help from the State and more ‘family-friendly’ practices at work!

I am sure this debate is not over yet……and I doubt it ever will be.
But its time singles got the recognition and due as well!

Where is my Magic Formula?

A verse from a poem I really like...

"And each man kills the things he loves,
By all let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword"

One way or another I have wound up destroying what I've loved. I've seen my dreams fall apart just when I seemed about to achieve them. I always thought that was just the way life was.
My life and everyone else's...........!

Paradox called China

Capping the tremendous success of the Beijing Olympics in August was the space walk by the Chinese a month later.

One was a demonstration of Chinese soft power – the display of culture, athletic prowess, Chinese hospitality – the other of their hard power, putting their space programme behind only those of USA and Russia.

The Chinese are justifiably proud of their achievements, which have shown great strides in the last 30 years of reforms and opening up and slowly and steadily inching their way towards super power stardom.

No longer is China the “sick man of Aisa”.

But this pride is not unalloyed. The long shadow cast over the two momentous events has taken more than a little shine from them with the latest controversy of melamine in milk powder hitting them.

This and other food scares are just some of the symptoms of the weakness of the foundations on which China’s economic and other successes are built.
China is impressive with its ability to mobilize its people to tackle large-scale disasters. But often these disasters are man-made or made worse by men!

Just days before the tainted milk scandal, a village got engulfed with cascades of muddy iron ore waste killing 250 people. And before that the Sichuan earthquake in May affecting nearly 100 million people in some way or the other.

China’s infrastructure and social systems seem to have failed to keep pace with its spectacular economic development.
The growth is unstable and is confronted with environment degradation and a ever widening income gap with increasing corruption and poor record of industrial safety etc etc

There is a new concept called “scientific development” – encompassing sustainable development, social welfare, people centered society and ultimately creating a harmonious society.

The Chinese will be disappointed if they expect sweeping reforms as a result of the disasters and incidents that have been happening. Like in India, treating symptoms as they appear seems to be the order of the day still.

Rule of law and institution building with media freedom and civil rights are keep pillars to solve the systemic problems in China.

India incidentally has these and more, and yet is not using its strong fundamentals to surge ahead of China and claim its rightful space in the world.

A colleague and a gentleman

JB passed away on Monday morning after undergoing a cardiac surgery which went off successfully, but for the negligence of the hospital post operative care!

The news on Sunday of his physical state of affairs post the Saturday surgery came as bit of shocker to me.

JB and I were a lot in touch the last few weeks because of this “big” event happening in Singapore this week. Infact, the last sms I got from him was informing me that he was in hospital and that I should not worry and keep my cool and not stress over things that are not in my control!

JB, you were a man with immense patience and a great sense of humor. You have always shown warmth and affection to me in the last 12 years since I have known you.You were a man of style and class, a sassiness that not many men have. Always very properly dressed and with “that” very English sahib accent, you called many of us ‘cutlet’! I really really wonder what that ever meant though.

I remember the stories about Assam, about your college days, the gyan you gave me on the ASEAN region and the reason why I need to focus more and how during the several jaunts we made on work.

Our last travel out together was to Bangkok this year, end July. How can I ever forget how you were ready to miss the flight, but not miss picking up the new Jacket you got stitched from that particular tailor and how you made me me jump off the van that we were travelling in to cross that busy Sukhmvit Street with our suitcases dragging behind us and how you smuggled me into the business class lounge and then got a foot massage!

I remember the last time you and Ramola were in Singapore a few months back and spent many a hours at the office and refused to go out in the light rain lest your jacket got wet and your shoes caught the mud. I remember how you refused to drink the coffee I offered because you the last of the surviving English Sahib who had only green Darjeeling tea!

What classiness, what a man……….what a gentleman!

The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose.
JB, you fulfilled your every purpose.

You will be missed dearly.
Where ever you may be now, may you rest is peace.

Never mind values and people in the path of growth!

The latest tainted milk scandal shows China lacks something that even its years of spectacular economic growth cannot make up for or justify!

A similar fate is besetting India as well. Everyday there is more and more written, seen and spoken on the apathy of the system towards the common man – be it assistance during natural or man made disasters or just some simple plain government policies for the common man.

What is missing in both these economic super powers is the moral dimension in the respective countries growth without which both India and China, it seems, cannot hope to command respect or admiration from others. But this moral dimension would be hard to come by unless both the countries resurrect the human values it lost during the decades when the class struggle was the order of the day.

Despite calls for a people-based-policy, the lack of political reform (in the case of India it’s about political will as well) has allowed inertia to set in. The political system continues to put the political leadership and the parties first, never mind the people and human values.

This latest milk scandal in China bears striking resemblance to the SARS outbreak in 2003, both being by-products of an archaic political system.

This scandal first came to notice in December 2007. But it was only a company in New Zealand that sought a product recall in August 08 just days before the Olympic Games.
This matter was hushed up and the Chinese media was told not to do negative reporting that could mar the games. The Olympics was not a premier sporting event, BUT for China the most important political event in its history.

Weeks passed, until the NZ PM intervened and told the world about the tainted milk.

Lives could have been saved only if the Chinese media had been informed and allowed to report the truth.

Remember the “India Shining” campaign some years back, when farmers were committing suicide!

Countries like China and India (not so much though) should seriously reconsider their propaganda policy, one that has brought harm not only to their own people, but in the case of China, to other countries as well.