Singlism!

Singapore is at it again……marriage and making babies are back in the news.
It’s enough to make a single person weep.

Every couple of years, the problem of Singapore not having enough babies is resurrected and the nation then plunges into soul searching.
And then the government announces some fresh incentives to get Singaporeans to marry and have kids and then the matter rests again until it resurfaces a few years later!

And while I am not a Singaporean yet, such measures of marriage and parenthood do smack of singlism!

Singlism? – yes this is a word that has been concocted to depict the negative stereo-types and discrimination against people who are not married as yet!
Well the term can include folks who are divorced and widowed, but it mostly applies to those like me who have not walked down the aisle as yet!!

And this is yet another time of the year, when my friends here get charged up about me giving up my singlism and debate endlessly as to why and how I am in this state?!

Sigh!!

Well friends, Singles are single for different reasons.
Some want to get be married but can’t find the right partner.
Others genuinely prefer the unmarried lifestyle.
And there are those who have a (live-in) partner but don’t see the need to marry, OR can’t marry – gays and lesbians come to mind.

Unlike other forms of discrimination like racism (Obama is facing it) and sexism (first Hilary and now poor Sarah Palin is suffering it), singlism is not overt, which makes it all the more invidious.

In our society, prejudices have in fact become so ingrained that one does not even bat an eyelid at them. The usual thinking goes….if singles are slighted, too bad, it’s their problem for being ultra-sensitive, not society’s fault for being insensitive.
Singles are perceived as some alien life form!

An article in on the internet notes, how married people feel if the tables were turned? How would they like it if, upon announcing that they are getting married, they get pitiful looks and remarks like …’hey don’t worry, your turn to divorce will come soon’!

Ah well, singles have long learnt that name calling should not hurt us. BUT institutionalized form of singlism does!
At the work place, it’s the singles who have to cover up for married colleagues when they time off for baby fever, or when the maid has run away or there is a PTA to attend. When it comes to taking leave during the real holiday season, it’s the parents that get priority.
I understand in companies with night shift, it’s the singles who are rostered for these slots. And when colleagues go on maternity leave, the singles have to pick-up the slack – for the same pay!

In some companies, rewards are given for paid-for trips, where married people can take their spouses and kids along, but a single can’t take the boy/girl friend or parent even!

In Singapore, its even worse - tax relief for married women for foreign maid levy; housing perks and tax reliefs for married etc etc.
That means, singles get no respite even if hiring a maid is to look after aged parents!

Such a difference in benefits!
Oh the unfairness of it all!

Do singles really not matter at all in society? Do singles perform no family obligations? (like looking after aged parents)

At the cost of sounding cynical, parenthood comes with responsibilities and sacrifices – live with it. And are not the children a reward in themselves that you still clamour for more help from the State and more ‘family-friendly’ practices at work!

I am sure this debate is not over yet……and I doubt it ever will be.
But its time singles got the recognition and due as well!