A life beyond

Last few days, weeks have been one of the worst my life has offered so far.
I have had a long furious debates with myself.

I realised that while this phase will not physically kill me, but yet something inside has died. Its like life loosing blood.

I have imagined every possible scenario and have relaised that I am a worry wort.

I fret over my parents health, their quarrels, sibling antipathy, office politics, my friends and their loved ones and the problems that may face them even if they are lovey-dovey because really, how long can harmony last? I really wonder how long does open-ended love last?

All happy families resemble one another. Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way!

Its a frame of mind I've brought to my own life. I worry, I worry a lot, and I worry all the time.
Come to think of it, maybe I enjoy it. Maybe I feel safer when I expect the worst.

If I fret and bad things don't happen (discounting the fact that there could have been a low probability of them happening otherwise, anyways! You see I am pretty convinced that I suffer from bad luck in life for I never ever get what I want), could it mean that fretting can prevent disasters from unfolding in my life? (They fold any ways, in the most natural way :)

It's what psychologists call "magical thinking" and believe me its addictive.

My logic is that worry isn't totally bad. It can be good when it focuses the mind to anticipate and avoid dangers.

If the worry about feeling destitute is always at the back of ones mind, chances are that one will be more careful with money. Or if health is a worry, then hopefully people would adopt good lifestyles and positive frame of mind.

But worry has become bad for me as it has paralysed my ability to have a normal relation with my life. It is debilitating to see my last few years through the eyes of fear of loosing, of fear -making me feel anxious all the time. And then still having lost out totally and actually.

I have been worrying all along about reaching the end or ultimate goal of my journey of life. When fate has actually thrown curveballs and snuffed out things / people from my life in matter of split seconds before even reaching my final destination.

So?

Now I am trying to work on "Dont worry. Be happy" (well - do I have a choice? - thats the cynical me again trying to argue otherwise)

You see positive thinking is like this ...............a little bird in the sky. You look up and it shits in your eyes. You dont mind and you dont cry.....You just thank god that cow and elephants dont fly!

Guess, being happy does not mean everything is perfect. It simply means that you've decided to see beyond imperfections.