I am such a pathetic traveler it’s not funny.
How I wish I was one of those women who can walk into a plane looking chic, wearing a floaty dress and heels and carrying just a tiny hand-bag, who can sleep seated upright and look beautiful and who, at the end of a 10 hour journey, exit the plane looking as fresh as a daisy!!
Such women really do exist. I’ve seen them. I’m just not one of them!
Even short flights leave me looking and feeling something like a cat dragged in.
I travel a lot (mostly on work BUT once in a while on Holiday too!) and mostly disappoint myself!
Instead of wearing something vaguely stylish, I am in my uniform of track pants and dark blue fleece jacket and sneakers.
And instead of strolling into the cabin with a dainty hand bag, I lug a bulky carry-on in which I pack two books (which I never got down to reading!) and a shawl (which I never use because I am wearing my fleece jacket!) – oh how very auntie like!
And when I was on a over night flight to USA last Sept (with the above dress code and accessories) I couldn’t manage more than two hours of sleep and I tossed and turned like a pretzel. To top it off – I caught a cold (which I do even when some one sneezes two houses away!) – a draught from the cabin ceiling was blasting on my head, causing my eyes to tear, nose to run and throat to be parched!
And I emerge from the flight with bloodshot eyes, dry lips, flat hair, bad breath and a drippy red nose.
Pathetic na?!
I know some one must be wondering why I’m silly to care about how I look when I travel. Comfort rather than style is what matters and if wearing track pants and sneakers give me that, why am I whining?
My problem is that I subscribe to the romance of travel, yes, even in this age of expensive things, low increments, no holidays, budget airlines and metal detectors.
Flying off to a strange land, savoring new experiences with no care in the world, eating, shopping and generally having fun – travel is glamorous, in theory atleast, and I certainly want to dress the part.
Sadly, I always look crumpled when I’m on a holiday.
I am yet to master the knack of creating the perfect holiday look with the wardrobe where I can travel light and yet look wow! I also lack the discipline to dress up with whatever clothes I do take along.
My countless experiences have proven that holidays don’t turn out quiet as perfect. And its become pointless to make any efforts if one is not enjoying in the first place.
The root of the problem is that I put too much hope on what a holiday can do for me. Unlike those real travel lovers, I leave home not so much because of the pull of a certain destination but the push to get away from my routine – whenever I’m stressed out at work and need to unwind, and when I feel the desire to escape from something that is bugging me in my personal life.
And my expectations are too unreasonable – thinking going away will change my life. That not only will I immediately morph into a happier, healthier, slimmer and calmer person when I step on foreign soil, but that upon return I will be refreshed, recharged and still embracing that new me!
If only life was that easy.
I have come to realize that my life is tough, stressful and unfair; going away on a holiday won’t change that one bit.
And even if a holiday has been enjoyable and I do carry the afterglow of it when I return, the holiday high dies in a matter of days and I’m back to my tough and unfairly stressful existence.
Nothing changes…….infact one feels even worse when the holiday dint meet the expectation.
Travel might be overrated, holidays may disappoint, but who will ever say no to going on a trip?
I know I cant wait to travel again ……I am already imagining touching moments of family bonding and adorable antics of my one month old nephew and the long drive in Chilly Delhi and the crispy lamb and papri chaat …..umm very special moments with those special ones!
Guess……"life's journey is not to arrive at the grave safely, but rather to skid sideways, upside down, totally worn out, shouting"... holy moly….what a ride!" ......and what a holiday! :)
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
Monday, November 3, 2008
Simple bridges
Inside every soul lies ‘deeper darkness than the nights of earth, higher peaks than any mountain peaks and greater depths than any sea in nature’.
Simply implying that an astonishing inner landscape lies within each of us.
I got hooked onto the face book recently – infact as recently as 7th October and I have connected up with over 100 people already!
Some old friends, some old colleagues and well some others who are those special ones …
So when I bond with a friend, it’s like exploring the exceptional new country.
I like to explore the ideas of people all the time.
Every person has a story.
I am simply amazed that each and every one has lived a life well lived!
We tend to eulogise people who are great and good.
But I wonder why we do this only for the giants among us.
Each and every ordinary soul among us has a great story to tell – lives than can serve to illuminate and educate us in some way or the other.
All extraordinary people who seem so ordinary at first glance!
All of us operate in different spheres.
But I think we overlap in one arena – among all the millions and millons of people on this earth, a few of us are connected!
There’s gotta be a reason.
Each person in our life represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a whole new world is born. And I cherish this world.
Simply implying that an astonishing inner landscape lies within each of us.
I got hooked onto the face book recently – infact as recently as 7th October and I have connected up with over 100 people already!
Some old friends, some old colleagues and well some others who are those special ones …
So when I bond with a friend, it’s like exploring the exceptional new country.
I like to explore the ideas of people all the time.
Every person has a story.
I am simply amazed that each and every one has lived a life well lived!
We tend to eulogise people who are great and good.
But I wonder why we do this only for the giants among us.
Each and every ordinary soul among us has a great story to tell – lives than can serve to illuminate and educate us in some way or the other.
All extraordinary people who seem so ordinary at first glance!
All of us operate in different spheres.
But I think we overlap in one arena – among all the millions and millons of people on this earth, a few of us are connected!
There’s gotta be a reason.
Each person in our life represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a whole new world is born. And I cherish this world.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Singlism!
Singapore is at it again……marriage and making babies are back in the news.
It’s enough to make a single person weep.
Every couple of years, the problem of Singapore not having enough babies is resurrected and the nation then plunges into soul searching.
And then the government announces some fresh incentives to get Singaporeans to marry and have kids and then the matter rests again until it resurfaces a few years later!
And while I am not a Singaporean yet, such measures of marriage and parenthood do smack of singlism!
Singlism? – yes this is a word that has been concocted to depict the negative stereo-types and discrimination against people who are not married as yet!
Well the term can include folks who are divorced and widowed, but it mostly applies to those like me who have not walked down the aisle as yet!!
And this is yet another time of the year, when my friends here get charged up about me giving up my singlism and debate endlessly as to why and how I am in this state?!
Sigh!!
Well friends, Singles are single for different reasons.
Some want to get be married but can’t find the right partner.
Others genuinely prefer the unmarried lifestyle.
And there are those who have a (live-in) partner but don’t see the need to marry, OR can’t marry – gays and lesbians come to mind.
Unlike other forms of discrimination like racism (Obama is facing it) and sexism (first Hilary and now poor Sarah Palin is suffering it), singlism is not overt, which makes it all the more invidious.
In our society, prejudices have in fact become so ingrained that one does not even bat an eyelid at them. The usual thinking goes….if singles are slighted, too bad, it’s their problem for being ultra-sensitive, not society’s fault for being insensitive.
Singles are perceived as some alien life form!
An article in on the internet notes, how married people feel if the tables were turned? How would they like it if, upon announcing that they are getting married, they get pitiful looks and remarks like …’hey don’t worry, your turn to divorce will come soon’!
Ah well, singles have long learnt that name calling should not hurt us. BUT institutionalized form of singlism does!
At the work place, it’s the singles who have to cover up for married colleagues when they time off for baby fever, or when the maid has run away or there is a PTA to attend. When it comes to taking leave during the real holiday season, it’s the parents that get priority.
I understand in companies with night shift, it’s the singles who are rostered for these slots. And when colleagues go on maternity leave, the singles have to pick-up the slack – for the same pay!
In some companies, rewards are given for paid-for trips, where married people can take their spouses and kids along, but a single can’t take the boy/girl friend or parent even!
In Singapore, its even worse - tax relief for married women for foreign maid levy; housing perks and tax reliefs for married etc etc.
That means, singles get no respite even if hiring a maid is to look after aged parents!
Such a difference in benefits!
Oh the unfairness of it all!
Do singles really not matter at all in society? Do singles perform no family obligations? (like looking after aged parents)
At the cost of sounding cynical, parenthood comes with responsibilities and sacrifices – live with it. And are not the children a reward in themselves that you still clamour for more help from the State and more ‘family-friendly’ practices at work!
I am sure this debate is not over yet……and I doubt it ever will be.
But its time singles got the recognition and due as well!
It’s enough to make a single person weep.
Every couple of years, the problem of Singapore not having enough babies is resurrected and the nation then plunges into soul searching.
And then the government announces some fresh incentives to get Singaporeans to marry and have kids and then the matter rests again until it resurfaces a few years later!
And while I am not a Singaporean yet, such measures of marriage and parenthood do smack of singlism!
Singlism? – yes this is a word that has been concocted to depict the negative stereo-types and discrimination against people who are not married as yet!
Well the term can include folks who are divorced and widowed, but it mostly applies to those like me who have not walked down the aisle as yet!!
And this is yet another time of the year, when my friends here get charged up about me giving up my singlism and debate endlessly as to why and how I am in this state?!
Sigh!!
Well friends, Singles are single for different reasons.
Some want to get be married but can’t find the right partner.
Others genuinely prefer the unmarried lifestyle.
And there are those who have a (live-in) partner but don’t see the need to marry, OR can’t marry – gays and lesbians come to mind.
Unlike other forms of discrimination like racism (Obama is facing it) and sexism (first Hilary and now poor Sarah Palin is suffering it), singlism is not overt, which makes it all the more invidious.
In our society, prejudices have in fact become so ingrained that one does not even bat an eyelid at them. The usual thinking goes….if singles are slighted, too bad, it’s their problem for being ultra-sensitive, not society’s fault for being insensitive.
Singles are perceived as some alien life form!
An article in on the internet notes, how married people feel if the tables were turned? How would they like it if, upon announcing that they are getting married, they get pitiful looks and remarks like …’hey don’t worry, your turn to divorce will come soon’!
Ah well, singles have long learnt that name calling should not hurt us. BUT institutionalized form of singlism does!
At the work place, it’s the singles who have to cover up for married colleagues when they time off for baby fever, or when the maid has run away or there is a PTA to attend. When it comes to taking leave during the real holiday season, it’s the parents that get priority.
I understand in companies with night shift, it’s the singles who are rostered for these slots. And when colleagues go on maternity leave, the singles have to pick-up the slack – for the same pay!
In some companies, rewards are given for paid-for trips, where married people can take their spouses and kids along, but a single can’t take the boy/girl friend or parent even!
In Singapore, its even worse - tax relief for married women for foreign maid levy; housing perks and tax reliefs for married etc etc.
That means, singles get no respite even if hiring a maid is to look after aged parents!
Such a difference in benefits!
Oh the unfairness of it all!
Do singles really not matter at all in society? Do singles perform no family obligations? (like looking after aged parents)
At the cost of sounding cynical, parenthood comes with responsibilities and sacrifices – live with it. And are not the children a reward in themselves that you still clamour for more help from the State and more ‘family-friendly’ practices at work!
I am sure this debate is not over yet……and I doubt it ever will be.
But its time singles got the recognition and due as well!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Where is my Magic Formula?
A verse from a poem I really like...
"And each man kills the things he loves,
By all let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword"
One way or another I have wound up destroying what I've loved. I've seen my dreams fall apart just when I seemed about to achieve them. I always thought that was just the way life was.
My life and everyone else's...........!
"And each man kills the things he loves,
By all let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
The brave man with a sword"
One way or another I have wound up destroying what I've loved. I've seen my dreams fall apart just when I seemed about to achieve them. I always thought that was just the way life was.
My life and everyone else's...........!
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Paradox called China
Capping the tremendous success of the Beijing Olympics in August was the space walk by the Chinese a month later.
One was a demonstration of Chinese soft power – the display of culture, athletic prowess, Chinese hospitality – the other of their hard power, putting their space programme behind only those of USA and Russia.
The Chinese are justifiably proud of their achievements, which have shown great strides in the last 30 years of reforms and opening up and slowly and steadily inching their way towards super power stardom.
No longer is China the “sick man of Aisa”.
But this pride is not unalloyed. The long shadow cast over the two momentous events has taken more than a little shine from them with the latest controversy of melamine in milk powder hitting them.
This and other food scares are just some of the symptoms of the weakness of the foundations on which China’s economic and other successes are built.
China is impressive with its ability to mobilize its people to tackle large-scale disasters. But often these disasters are man-made or made worse by men!
Just days before the tainted milk scandal, a village got engulfed with cascades of muddy iron ore waste killing 250 people. And before that the Sichuan earthquake in May affecting nearly 100 million people in some way or the other.
China’s infrastructure and social systems seem to have failed to keep pace with its spectacular economic development.
The growth is unstable and is confronted with environment degradation and a ever widening income gap with increasing corruption and poor record of industrial safety etc etc
There is a new concept called “scientific development” – encompassing sustainable development, social welfare, people centered society and ultimately creating a harmonious society.
The Chinese will be disappointed if they expect sweeping reforms as a result of the disasters and incidents that have been happening. Like in India, treating symptoms as they appear seems to be the order of the day still.
Rule of law and institution building with media freedom and civil rights are keep pillars to solve the systemic problems in China.
India incidentally has these and more, and yet is not using its strong fundamentals to surge ahead of China and claim its rightful space in the world.
One was a demonstration of Chinese soft power – the display of culture, athletic prowess, Chinese hospitality – the other of their hard power, putting their space programme behind only those of USA and Russia.
The Chinese are justifiably proud of their achievements, which have shown great strides in the last 30 years of reforms and opening up and slowly and steadily inching their way towards super power stardom.
No longer is China the “sick man of Aisa”.
But this pride is not unalloyed. The long shadow cast over the two momentous events has taken more than a little shine from them with the latest controversy of melamine in milk powder hitting them.
This and other food scares are just some of the symptoms of the weakness of the foundations on which China’s economic and other successes are built.
China is impressive with its ability to mobilize its people to tackle large-scale disasters. But often these disasters are man-made or made worse by men!
Just days before the tainted milk scandal, a village got engulfed with cascades of muddy iron ore waste killing 250 people. And before that the Sichuan earthquake in May affecting nearly 100 million people in some way or the other.
China’s infrastructure and social systems seem to have failed to keep pace with its spectacular economic development.
The growth is unstable and is confronted with environment degradation and a ever widening income gap with increasing corruption and poor record of industrial safety etc etc
There is a new concept called “scientific development” – encompassing sustainable development, social welfare, people centered society and ultimately creating a harmonious society.
The Chinese will be disappointed if they expect sweeping reforms as a result of the disasters and incidents that have been happening. Like in India, treating symptoms as they appear seems to be the order of the day still.
Rule of law and institution building with media freedom and civil rights are keep pillars to solve the systemic problems in China.
India incidentally has these and more, and yet is not using its strong fundamentals to surge ahead of China and claim its rightful space in the world.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
A colleague and a gentleman
JB passed away on Monday morning after undergoing a cardiac surgery which went off successfully, but for the negligence of the hospital post operative care!
The news on Sunday of his physical state of affairs post the Saturday surgery came as bit of shocker to me.
JB and I were a lot in touch the last few weeks because of this “big” event happening in Singapore this week. Infact, the last sms I got from him was informing me that he was in hospital and that I should not worry and keep my cool and not stress over things that are not in my control!
JB, you were a man with immense patience and a great sense of humor. You have always shown warmth and affection to me in the last 12 years since I have known you.You were a man of style and class, a sassiness that not many men have. Always very properly dressed and with “that” very English sahib accent, you called many of us ‘cutlet’! I really really wonder what that ever meant though.
I remember the stories about Assam, about your college days, the gyan you gave me on the ASEAN region and the reason why I need to focus more and how during the several jaunts we made on work.
Our last travel out together was to Bangkok this year, end July. How can I ever forget how you were ready to miss the flight, but not miss picking up the new Jacket you got stitched from that particular tailor and how you made me me jump off the van that we were travelling in to cross that busy Sukhmvit Street with our suitcases dragging behind us and how you smuggled me into the business class lounge and then got a foot massage!
I remember the last time you and Ramola were in Singapore a few months back and spent many a hours at the office and refused to go out in the light rain lest your jacket got wet and your shoes caught the mud. I remember how you refused to drink the coffee I offered because you the last of the surviving English Sahib who had only green Darjeeling tea!
What classiness, what a man……….what a gentleman!
The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose.
JB, you fulfilled your every purpose.
You will be missed dearly.
Where ever you may be now, may you rest is peace.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Never mind values and people in the path of growth!
The latest tainted milk scandal shows China lacks something that even its years of spectacular economic growth cannot make up for or justify!
A similar fate is besetting India as well. Everyday there is more and more written, seen and spoken on the apathy of the system towards the common man – be it assistance during natural or man made disasters or just some simple plain government policies for the common man.
What is missing in both these economic super powers is the moral dimension in the respective countries growth without which both India and China, it seems, cannot hope to command respect or admiration from others. But this moral dimension would be hard to come by unless both the countries resurrect the human values it lost during the decades when the class struggle was the order of the day.
Despite calls for a people-based-policy, the lack of political reform (in the case of India it’s about political will as well) has allowed inertia to set in. The political system continues to put the political leadership and the parties first, never mind the people and human values.
This latest milk scandal in China bears striking resemblance to the SARS outbreak in 2003, both being by-products of an archaic political system.
This scandal first came to notice in December 2007. But it was only a company in New Zealand that sought a product recall in August 08 just days before the Olympic Games.
This matter was hushed up and the Chinese media was told not to do negative reporting that could mar the games. The Olympics was not a premier sporting event, BUT for China the most important political event in its history.
Weeks passed, until the NZ PM intervened and told the world about the tainted milk.
Lives could have been saved only if the Chinese media had been informed and allowed to report the truth.
Remember the “India Shining” campaign some years back, when farmers were committing suicide!
Countries like China and India (not so much though) should seriously reconsider their propaganda policy, one that has brought harm not only to their own people, but in the case of China, to other countries as well.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Does it really matter what others think of you?
Recently, in one of my friends organizations the mother of all performance reviews was embarked upon - a 360-degree feedback!
The aim was for them to become more aware of their shortcomings, work to improve them and hopefully become better managers.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve always been apprehensive about hearing feedback about myself.
In school, I’d cringe at my teacher’s remarks on my report cards, even if they tended to be positive ones like “pleasant”, “polite”, “quiet” (guess I was a trouble free child)
At work, I approach the year-end appraisal with a heavy heart.
Mostly because I have never ever been told anything just given a decent raise and a promotion as and when due.
And when I am told anything if at all, I take the positive comments about myself with a pinch of salt because inside I know I’m not that great a person or worker.
Yet I react to negative comments with some umbrage because I know I’m not that bad a person or worker either.
My friend was pretty down and out on some of the comments and reactions she got.
And while I have been trying to get her out of this phase, since then its got me thinking to on some basic home truths.
It is hard to please everyone, and not everyone is going to like you even if you try and win them over.
It works the other way round too – you don’t have to like everyone, even people whom others like!
So much of human interaction, whether at work, at home or in a social setting, has to do with chemistry.
You either have chemistry with a person or you don’t, and you will know it the instant you meet.
I have realized in all the ‘gyan’ that I have been parting to my friend, that chemistry is hard to manufacture.
It can be a passing thing and need not lead to a friendship. If it does, it can also die when the relationship ends. Chemistry is no guarantee that ties between two people will last forever.
It is also a different animal from love, or lust, at first sight. You can fall head over heals for someone yet realize later there’s no chemistry between you!
Whew!
Sometimes for no rhyme or reason, I can click with the several people I have to meet. Some I am just polite too and make small talk and there is nothing to talk after the introductory pleasantries were over. Conversation frayed.
With some other people, I just click, for no rhyme or reason!
Whew!
These human relations!
There are some colleagues / people whom I just with. I can share a joke or sarcastic comment and know they will get where I am coming from, and me them.
Others I feel awkward with and even if there’s nothing unpleasant between us, I would even avoid going into a lift with them.
I suppose the kind of people we get along with says a lot about ourselves. Whether we’re conscious of it or not, we do land up measuring people against our own interests and values. Those who seem to have a similar outlook – even if its just a gut feel – you land up connecting with them.
It does hurt when you realize someone doesn’t like you, but should it really matter? Should you really care about what others think of you?
I suppose in a work situation where the reason you are there is to get work done, and its hard to do so without teamwork.
But beyond my immediate surroundings and the people who matter to me, I couldn’t care less!
I personally start with the belief that I must be nice to everyone. But if its not reciprocated or I cant connect with the other person, with or without bad vibes, so be it.
I just move on and never look back.
I cant control how others think or act. What I can control is how I think or act.
Life is too short to be marred by unpleasantness – be it people or circumstances.
Guess we can’t be indifferent and immune to human interaction, but to keep it sane, I would like to surround myself – yes, all 360 degrees – with those I can click with ONLY!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Adieus Fiffe
Yesterday I lost my pet friend - whom I used to call fatty, farty fiffe - my friend's cute and adorable 5 year old "Alfie" - a Jack Russell Terrier.
Fiffe battled for her life bravely after being bitten by a german hound on friday evening. A very very callous mistake by some crazy pregnant Indian woman who did not know how to mind her big dog.
Fiffe your going hurts so much that I don't even know how badly I'm hurt.
I lost my Brandy Bhatia (a Lhasa Apso) on 11th December 2005. He was 12 years old and he really suffered a lot in his last few days. My parents and I could not be with him since we were in Singapore. He went away in my brothers arms, though he was most attached to my father and me.
You know I still miss him. You would have seen his picture at the altar in my house, even now, after nearly 3 years!
Its said that pets take on themselves any harm coming on the family members and henec the untimely loss of Brandy and you.
But life goes on.....and time is a great healer, I guess!.
After Brandy, it was you.
Fiffe you were my constant companion for the last 3 years in Singapore. Not once did I ever feel alone and lonely in an alien environment thanks to you Fiffe and your owner/mum - my neighbour turned very good friend - Shirley.
Honesty is the highest form of love. And I must confess that I owe you both tonnes and tonnes in life - for being with me, when no one has been around. For making me a part of your family, for giving me the solace that even strangers from different backgrounds can become friends for life.
It is said that we connect with "those" few lives in life, with whom we have a past connection. Among all the millions and billons of lives on this earth, I came to be friends with you.
There's gotta be a reason to it - right?
The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose.
Fiffe, you fullfilled your every purpose.
Thank you for everything.
Fiffe may you rest in peace, always.
Fiffe battled for her life bravely after being bitten by a german hound on friday evening. A very very callous mistake by some crazy pregnant Indian woman who did not know how to mind her big dog.
Fiffe your going hurts so much that I don't even know how badly I'm hurt.
I lost my Brandy Bhatia (a Lhasa Apso) on 11th December 2005. He was 12 years old and he really suffered a lot in his last few days. My parents and I could not be with him since we were in Singapore. He went away in my brothers arms, though he was most attached to my father and me.
You know I still miss him. You would have seen his picture at the altar in my house, even now, after nearly 3 years!
Its said that pets take on themselves any harm coming on the family members and henec the untimely loss of Brandy and you.
But life goes on.....and time is a great healer, I guess!.
After Brandy, it was you.
Fiffe you were my constant companion for the last 3 years in Singapore. Not once did I ever feel alone and lonely in an alien environment thanks to you Fiffe and your owner/mum - my neighbour turned very good friend - Shirley.
Honesty is the highest form of love. And I must confess that I owe you both tonnes and tonnes in life - for being with me, when no one has been around. For making me a part of your family, for giving me the solace that even strangers from different backgrounds can become friends for life.
It is said that we connect with "those" few lives in life, with whom we have a past connection. Among all the millions and billons of lives on this earth, I came to be friends with you.
There's gotta be a reason to it - right?
The purpose of life is to live a life of purpose.
Fiffe, you fullfilled your every purpose.
Thank you for everything.
Fiffe may you rest in peace, always.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Surviving midlife
Something strange is happening to me.
Snatches of songs of some 15 - 20 years ago have been humming in my brain.
"Sometimes when we touch, the honesty's too much, and I want to close my eyes and hide"
or
"I want to hold you till I die, until we dont break down and cry, I want to hold you till my fear in me subsides..."
Memories of people I once loved, or shared an uncommon communication with, flash back. I wonder who they are now?.
At times likes these, I feel I am stuck in some time warp - re-living the songs I loved some years back when I was younger with the flush of youth.
I think I am in the throes of midlife transition!
At the cusp of 40, my soul is telling me to stop and take stock. To trace back the pattern of my life to this point. To ponder life’s eternal verities. To be true to myself. And be prepared for the next phase of my human odyssey by next year, this time.
I dint realise until now, that midlife is indeed one of the major transitions in life. Until now, I had only heard of some of my older near and dear ones complain / explain this phenomenon.
I have been given to understand that if one does not navigate this period well, then we set ourselves for a miserable and disappointed old age.
Birth marked the first major phase of life’s passage. Adolescence came next, when I for one turned from a sweet kid into a door-banging, rebellious monster (my parents will testify).
And now I am at the threshold of midlife – as I now transit from youth into the second phase of life. This usually, by the way, takes place in the late 30s to late 50s (lest you think am on the wrong side of some other decade!)
And ofcourse, my last passage would be the end of my life, when I prepare for the final journey to death (which also can happen anytime, anywhere - beyond my control :)
Is this really the time to accept that we are beginning to age? The body starts telling you in no uncertain terms, anyways – what with a slightly weaker eyesight; slightly more grey hair; a slightly heavier frame – making one wonder if one is also less attractive now. What with late nights no longer giving an adrenaline charge and a headache from a late night that could last for days!
Sigh!
Eminent psychologist, Carl Jung’s theory is that in midlife, psychological needs repressed through ones growing up years force their way up to the surface of the conscious. (No wonder am so crabby these days)
So if you had always wanted to be, lets say, a mountaineer but got sucked into making a living for yourself and the people dependent on you, then you may find yourself in your 40s and 50s valiantly attempting to scale Everest.
Some people respond to the fears of ageing by aggressive denials. This is what lies behind middle-aged men’s sudden penchants for sweet young things, racy cars and flashy clothes – trying to re-create their swinging youth! (uff these men will never learn)
Guys, denial only postpones the moment reckoning. Imagine its like eating lots of garlic and then try to hide it with mouthwash. That odour just oozes out of your pores, thus making you smellier and messier :) :) :)
I am trying to face upto myself now-a-days – trying to reflect through the layers of time, through the masks donned over the years, to a place where I am most myself - all this through lofty dreams and success, through failure and rejection, lost illusions and shattered hopes.
I think I am getting more and more determined to live some of my dreams and choose to relinquish others. A self discovery; a process of self integration – with strands from who I was to who I have become to who I will be.
My life’s choices, so far – my Achilles heels – that caused me to stumble and land up being unfullfilled until now – to some of my angel props (my parents and best friends), my tools through difficulties. I have stifled through wilderness – but with some elation that I lived by my principles.
And most of all, to my surprise and wonder, through the sadness of lost dreams and broken heart and missed opportunities – and now the elation of discovery that all may not still be lost - through it all, a sense that, at the cusp of 40, I am (hopefully) returning home, to who I am meant to be.
Poached truths
1. In life just dont trust people, who change their feelings with time..... instead trust those people whose feelings remain the same, even when the time changes.....
2. Never explain yourself to any one. Because the person who likes you dosen't need it, and the the person who dislikes you won't believe it.
3. Dont let someone become a priority in your life, when you are just an option in their life..... relationships work best when they are balanced.
4. The most difficult phase of life is not when no one understand you; its when you dont understand yourself.
5. What we are today is a result of our own past actions; whatever we wish to be in future depends on our persent actionsl decide how you have to act now.
We are responsible for what we are, whatever we wish ourselves to be.
We have the power to make ourselves.
6. Over the same sea, on the same winds; A ship sails in one direction, another in opposite. Its not the wind that decides which direction the ship goes; Its the sails; how they are tied and how they are maneuvered.
Similarly, its not just our fate that decides where our life is going; its also about how we take life and where we want to take it!
Friday, August 1, 2008
Stay firm Mr Prime Minister
India's accidental PM has been called a weak man, an indecisive man, a man who is merely the public face of the real PM who is the Congress Party leader Sonia Gandhi.
There is nothing further from the truth.
It is true he is an accidental PM. It is also true that he is not the quintessential politician. He has not been scalded by the heat, dust and grime of Indian politics. And to top it all, he is an MP in the upper house of Parliament from a State in which he has never ever lived!
But Dr Singh is in no way weak. Rather he is a man of principles and conviction. That is where the BJP and the commi’s have got it all wrong. They failed to understand that an accidental PM could become a real PM once in the job! If the leftists had tried to look at Dr Singh without their red ideological lenses, the present political crisis in Delhi over the Nuke deal would not have come to this who-blinks-first point.
Anyways, truth and honesty wins. And it did last week!
For the past 4 years, BJP leader Mr Advani has been calling Dr Singh a weak man. Now the entire opposition is calling the latter tough and unbending. Guys, you can’t have it both ways!
Actually, I feel when the dust settles, it is Mr Advani who is mostly likely to go down in history as a weak opposition leader who could not get his party to back a deal which they fundamentally believe in and actually initiated. This would have happened even if the government would have fallen last week in Parliament.
The BJP believes in close ties with USA, but its leader can’t muster enough courage to say that to his party or the country!
Shame!
The “weak principle” that the left believes in has led to the turmoil. They thought Mrs G would take the final call, and if push came to shove, she would baulk at sacrificing a government over a deal which may not even eventually happen if Obama comes to the White House in Jan 09.
This Mr Red’s was your first mistake.
Dr Singh had given his word to Bush and you all thought that there could be no such thing as “a word of honour” these days!
You guys were patently wrong!
The second mistake was the you Red’s did not understand the relationship between the PM and his party leader Mrs G who herself is a reluctant politician. You thought this was a master and servant relationship! I think the two of them – Dr Singh and Mrs G share a unique relationship of deep respect which is virtually absent in the Indian political system and rare in countries.
Dr Singh you put down your foot for the right reasons –the nuke deal is not just about a strategic relationship but it’s also of India coming of age and the ending of ‘nuclear apartheid’.
Now after all the political drama – it’s a different story - a stronger PM with more shaper teeth. These few extra months will put the PM on the fifth gear on economic reforms and dare devil deals, a free hand to overhaul India.
And if this accidental PM comes back for a second term he will have the greatest impact on modern Indian history, and might be able to make his place among the pantheon of great world leaders.
And then the Left would be left wondering why it blew its chances to shape the nation’s course!
And wonder where the BJP would be!
:) :)
There is nothing further from the truth.
It is true he is an accidental PM. It is also true that he is not the quintessential politician. He has not been scalded by the heat, dust and grime of Indian politics. And to top it all, he is an MP in the upper house of Parliament from a State in which he has never ever lived!
But Dr Singh is in no way weak. Rather he is a man of principles and conviction. That is where the BJP and the commi’s have got it all wrong. They failed to understand that an accidental PM could become a real PM once in the job! If the leftists had tried to look at Dr Singh without their red ideological lenses, the present political crisis in Delhi over the Nuke deal would not have come to this who-blinks-first point.
Anyways, truth and honesty wins. And it did last week!
For the past 4 years, BJP leader Mr Advani has been calling Dr Singh a weak man. Now the entire opposition is calling the latter tough and unbending. Guys, you can’t have it both ways!
Actually, I feel when the dust settles, it is Mr Advani who is mostly likely to go down in history as a weak opposition leader who could not get his party to back a deal which they fundamentally believe in and actually initiated. This would have happened even if the government would have fallen last week in Parliament.
The BJP believes in close ties with USA, but its leader can’t muster enough courage to say that to his party or the country!
Shame!
The “weak principle” that the left believes in has led to the turmoil. They thought Mrs G would take the final call, and if push came to shove, she would baulk at sacrificing a government over a deal which may not even eventually happen if Obama comes to the White House in Jan 09.
This Mr Red’s was your first mistake.
Dr Singh had given his word to Bush and you all thought that there could be no such thing as “a word of honour” these days!
You guys were patently wrong!
The second mistake was the you Red’s did not understand the relationship between the PM and his party leader Mrs G who herself is a reluctant politician. You thought this was a master and servant relationship! I think the two of them – Dr Singh and Mrs G share a unique relationship of deep respect which is virtually absent in the Indian political system and rare in countries.
Dr Singh you put down your foot for the right reasons –the nuke deal is not just about a strategic relationship but it’s also of India coming of age and the ending of ‘nuclear apartheid’.
Now after all the political drama – it’s a different story - a stronger PM with more shaper teeth. These few extra months will put the PM on the fifth gear on economic reforms and dare devil deals, a free hand to overhaul India.
And if this accidental PM comes back for a second term he will have the greatest impact on modern Indian history, and might be able to make his place among the pantheon of great world leaders.
And then the Left would be left wondering why it blew its chances to shape the nation’s course!
And wonder where the BJP would be!
:) :)
Saturday, June 28, 2008
In Pursuit of Happyness
Last few weeks / months were very restless for me. I just needed to get away for sometime from the same old routine and I guess I just needed that very well deserved break after a terribly hectic last few months!
What best a getaway of coming back home to the person (s) who matter most in my life!
Despite the displeasure of the lords and masters of my organization, I took 12 days leave from work with the thought of fulfilling every aspect of leave fantasy.
I am enjoying all the attention on me by folks what with those yummy aloo n gobi paranthas and rajma, chole and kadi chaval, indian/punju chinese et all with no deadlines or people to meet or phone calls.
Just eat, sleep, read and sleep all day long! Boy this is life. This is bliss :)
But despite this ideal scenario, the one thing I am most unfulfilled is of not getting to do “those” special things - the long drives on Noida Expressway, those lazy afternoon lunches with beer and crispy fried lamb; those walks in the Nehru Park etc etc.
I did, briefly, for just two hours, in the last 7 days go for that drive on the expressway but nothing else since I have been here but for few phone calls thrown in here and there once in a while.
But with this unfulfilling experience, I have begun to realize that when a dream (of coming home after 6 long months of loneliness) comes true, you don’t always get the happiness you thought would come with it;
Happiness is not something you can feel every moment of the day;
Happiness comes in small doses, so just be grateful for that;
It’s pointless to wish for a BIG happiness because it wont happen;
Perhaps Happiness is overrated!
Like most people, everything I do, everything I hope for and everything I regret, hinges on the pursuit of personal happiness.
Wikipedia describes happiness as an emotion associated with feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense joy.
It is said that 50 per cent of a person’s happiness depends on his genes. A further 10 to 15 per cent comes from variables such as socio-economic status, marital or relationship status and health. The remaining reasons do not have a discernible cause.
I have certainly felt some contentment and satisfaction (coming from that drive) but I suspect I have ever felt bliss. And I am dead sure I have never ever known intense joy.
I so yearn to be happy and I so want to be happier. The irony is that this hunger and search for happiness is perhaps the reason I often find my self unhappy. :(
I did a little survey and asked around : On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the pinnacle of contentment, what would you rate your happiness level?
My mom gave herself between 6 to 7 (reason my not being married as yet!!). My sis-in-law said 8 heading for 10 now (the soon to be privilege of becoming a mother). A friend said 7 but the rating would go up if his beloved was back in life, the rating would shoot to 9.
Me? Dunno know! Perhaps between 5 to 7! It’s 5 when I’m functioning in neutral gear and 7 when everything I yearn for seems to be a reality (like that drive remember :) – scarily good but terribly short lived and hence only a ranking until 7!.
The problem of happiness is that it does not last, and it is subjected to the law of diminishing returns.
Scientist believe that everyone has an innate happiness “set point” to which we invariable return to. Good or bad events move us from that set point for a while, but it seems you can’t permanently raise or lower your in-born happiness level – or so the theory goes.
What is certainly clear to me is that like most things in life, happiness too is subjected to the law of diminishing returns – to attain something you wish for does make you happy, but only to a point. Beyond that, more and more of that thing add’s less and less to your happiness! (That’s called being unfulfilled).
I have this MacFlurry example. I love it and rarely have this sinful thing, but when I do, I greedily order two. The problem is that the first one is so satisfying, finishing the second wants to make me puke.
This is the scenario with my life and happiness too – as it is it is so hard to come by, yet when I do find it, it either doesn’t last long, or looses it’s magic after a while (because of the circumstances!), and am back to being 5 on the happiness scale.
My best friend Mrs P argues that happiness would be meaningless if one felt happy all the time. How can you understand happiness unless one has lived through unhappiness and can then compare the tow? – wise words eh!
The trick perhaps is to learn to live for the moment and appreciate what you have (but what happens when the moment is short lived and borrowed and the wait is endless!!!)
Our "that" special loved one(s) can't give something that is not already ours.
What best a getaway of coming back home to the person (s) who matter most in my life!
Despite the displeasure of the lords and masters of my organization, I took 12 days leave from work with the thought of fulfilling every aspect of leave fantasy.
I am enjoying all the attention on me by folks what with those yummy aloo n gobi paranthas and rajma, chole and kadi chaval, indian/punju chinese et all with no deadlines or people to meet or phone calls.
Just eat, sleep, read and sleep all day long! Boy this is life. This is bliss :)
But despite this ideal scenario, the one thing I am most unfulfilled is of not getting to do “those” special things - the long drives on Noida Expressway, those lazy afternoon lunches with beer and crispy fried lamb; those walks in the Nehru Park etc etc.
I did, briefly, for just two hours, in the last 7 days go for that drive on the expressway but nothing else since I have been here but for few phone calls thrown in here and there once in a while.
But with this unfulfilling experience, I have begun to realize that when a dream (of coming home after 6 long months of loneliness) comes true, you don’t always get the happiness you thought would come with it;
Happiness is not something you can feel every moment of the day;
Happiness comes in small doses, so just be grateful for that;
It’s pointless to wish for a BIG happiness because it wont happen;
Perhaps Happiness is overrated!
Like most people, everything I do, everything I hope for and everything I regret, hinges on the pursuit of personal happiness.
Wikipedia describes happiness as an emotion associated with feelings ranging from contentment and satisfaction to bliss and intense joy.
It is said that 50 per cent of a person’s happiness depends on his genes. A further 10 to 15 per cent comes from variables such as socio-economic status, marital or relationship status and health. The remaining reasons do not have a discernible cause.
I have certainly felt some contentment and satisfaction (coming from that drive) but I suspect I have ever felt bliss. And I am dead sure I have never ever known intense joy.
I so yearn to be happy and I so want to be happier. The irony is that this hunger and search for happiness is perhaps the reason I often find my self unhappy. :(
I did a little survey and asked around : On a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the pinnacle of contentment, what would you rate your happiness level?
My mom gave herself between 6 to 7 (reason my not being married as yet!!). My sis-in-law said 8 heading for 10 now (the soon to be privilege of becoming a mother). A friend said 7 but the rating would go up if his beloved was back in life, the rating would shoot to 9.
Me? Dunno know! Perhaps between 5 to 7! It’s 5 when I’m functioning in neutral gear and 7 when everything I yearn for seems to be a reality (like that drive remember :) – scarily good but terribly short lived and hence only a ranking until 7!.
The problem of happiness is that it does not last, and it is subjected to the law of diminishing returns.
Scientist believe that everyone has an innate happiness “set point” to which we invariable return to. Good or bad events move us from that set point for a while, but it seems you can’t permanently raise or lower your in-born happiness level – or so the theory goes.
What is certainly clear to me is that like most things in life, happiness too is subjected to the law of diminishing returns – to attain something you wish for does make you happy, but only to a point. Beyond that, more and more of that thing add’s less and less to your happiness! (That’s called being unfulfilled).
I have this MacFlurry example. I love it and rarely have this sinful thing, but when I do, I greedily order two. The problem is that the first one is so satisfying, finishing the second wants to make me puke.
This is the scenario with my life and happiness too – as it is it is so hard to come by, yet when I do find it, it either doesn’t last long, or looses it’s magic after a while (because of the circumstances!), and am back to being 5 on the happiness scale.
My best friend Mrs P argues that happiness would be meaningless if one felt happy all the time. How can you understand happiness unless one has lived through unhappiness and can then compare the tow? – wise words eh!
The trick perhaps is to learn to live for the moment and appreciate what you have (but what happens when the moment is short lived and borrowed and the wait is endless!!!)
Our "that" special loved one(s) can't give something that is not already ours.
Being happy does not mean everything is perfect - it simply means you've decided to see beyond imperfections.
It is hard to be happy when you chase after happiness, forgetting that, hey, it could well be right there, staring at you, in the NOW and not stuck in the past or the future.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Office pal-itics
Last couple of weeks there have been a spate of departures from the organisation I work with.
Many of these decisions have surprised me, after nearly 15 - 18 years (and in one case over 25 years), they are now trying something new.
I have been with my organisation for 12 years now, and through the years, a firm kinda of comaradrie was built angsting over work assignments, gossiping about colleagues (sometimes only lah) et all. Though I must confess out of these few (ahem lucky ones) who have left, I was never "that" hot on friendship with most of the recent ones (but some earlier one, yes!).
Yet such depatures dont hit me until much after.
For me office pals are an important part of working life and I do marvel people who judiciously seperate their personal friends with office relationships (actually to an extent even I am one of them, but .....I do strive for the policy of "In Rome do what what the Romans did!). People come to office, keep to themseleves and concentrate 100 per cent on their jobs. And at the end of the day, they go back to after-work lives that no one has the foggiest idea about.
It's the working life experience boiled down to its cleansest, purest form - no frenzied shopping, on the clock lunch and no poking your nose into other people's affairs.
But much like a low-fat veggie diet, that is theoretically good for you, I don't really see much joy or laughter in such an existence (though am dead sure an organisation would love this scenario :) )
An average colleague comes in to work around 0900 hrs and does not leave office until around 7 pm (that's usually until when the bosses are sitting around waiting for their big boss to leave!) - realistically. That means as many as 10 - 12 hours are spent in office - or 75 per cent of waking hours in a day, five days a week.
In these critical waking hours crazy amout of stress is loaded onto us mortals - meetings, embarassement over a rival organisation getting that plum meeting, mutal dislike for the crazy old bosses - and with a pal in office, all this and more becomes that much more bearable.
Just sending an email or sms or msn chat - and chances are that things wont look quite so bad after that.
I was reading recently a research on 5 million people by some Gallup organisation shows that people who have a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged with that work.
But desptite this, bosses and us lowly workers see this differently.
As a manager and an employee, I feel office friendhships should never be discouraged. Though I do see some drawbacks.
The first has to do with the fact that friendships in office are quite different from those forged with classmates, where everyone is more or less equal. And second, while office pals may start out at the same level, but one could get promoted quicker and even become the other's boss.
And that's when these office friendship could turn sour and a failed realtion in the office is arguably much harder to manage than a friendship outside work. A friendship between a boss and colleague could open doors of jealousy and charges of favouritism as well.
I have also seen that office friendships burn brightly while they last and die off quickly when colleagues part ways. While one does feel a wee bit guilty of that promise one made of staying in touch, and when one does finally connect up, one lands up worrying about what to say! Colleagues leave, their circumstances change and one longer has a pulse on what's going on in their lives. And no matter how hard you try things are never the same again.
BUT, I am, atleast I think, one of those few lucky ones, (though I dont make friends that easily) who has some of the most lasting friendships made out of office.
To all you 'my' office friends, who have moved on, though I do envy you a wee bit (only for 'that' good opportunity that you got and I am still stuggling for!) , I cherish you - always.
And to the others, it was good while it lasted.
Until we meet again..............!
Many of these decisions have surprised me, after nearly 15 - 18 years (and in one case over 25 years), they are now trying something new.
I have been with my organisation for 12 years now, and through the years, a firm kinda of comaradrie was built angsting over work assignments, gossiping about colleagues (sometimes only lah) et all. Though I must confess out of these few (ahem lucky ones) who have left, I was never "that" hot on friendship with most of the recent ones (but some earlier one, yes!).
Yet such depatures dont hit me until much after.
For me office pals are an important part of working life and I do marvel people who judiciously seperate their personal friends with office relationships (actually to an extent even I am one of them, but .....I do strive for the policy of "In Rome do what what the Romans did!). People come to office, keep to themseleves and concentrate 100 per cent on their jobs. And at the end of the day, they go back to after-work lives that no one has the foggiest idea about.
It's the working life experience boiled down to its cleansest, purest form - no frenzied shopping, on the clock lunch and no poking your nose into other people's affairs.
But much like a low-fat veggie diet, that is theoretically good for you, I don't really see much joy or laughter in such an existence (though am dead sure an organisation would love this scenario :) )
An average colleague comes in to work around 0900 hrs and does not leave office until around 7 pm (that's usually until when the bosses are sitting around waiting for their big boss to leave!) - realistically. That means as many as 10 - 12 hours are spent in office - or 75 per cent of waking hours in a day, five days a week.
In these critical waking hours crazy amout of stress is loaded onto us mortals - meetings, embarassement over a rival organisation getting that plum meeting, mutal dislike for the crazy old bosses - and with a pal in office, all this and more becomes that much more bearable.
Just sending an email or sms or msn chat - and chances are that things wont look quite so bad after that.
I was reading recently a research on 5 million people by some Gallup organisation shows that people who have a best friend at work are seven times more likely to be engaged with that work.
But desptite this, bosses and us lowly workers see this differently.
As a manager and an employee, I feel office friendhships should never be discouraged. Though I do see some drawbacks.
The first has to do with the fact that friendships in office are quite different from those forged with classmates, where everyone is more or less equal. And second, while office pals may start out at the same level, but one could get promoted quicker and even become the other's boss.
And that's when these office friendship could turn sour and a failed realtion in the office is arguably much harder to manage than a friendship outside work. A friendship between a boss and colleague could open doors of jealousy and charges of favouritism as well.
I have also seen that office friendships burn brightly while they last and die off quickly when colleagues part ways. While one does feel a wee bit guilty of that promise one made of staying in touch, and when one does finally connect up, one lands up worrying about what to say! Colleagues leave, their circumstances change and one longer has a pulse on what's going on in their lives. And no matter how hard you try things are never the same again.
BUT, I am, atleast I think, one of those few lucky ones, (though I dont make friends that easily) who has some of the most lasting friendships made out of office.
To all you 'my' office friends, who have moved on, though I do envy you a wee bit (only for 'that' good opportunity that you got and I am still stuggling for!) , I cherish you - always.
And to the others, it was good while it lasted.
Until we meet again..............!
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Life, one day at a time
Last few weeks the misery and destruction of Cyclone Nargis and Sichuan earthquake have gripped one and all.
We see these everyday these days in the newspaper - bodies floating in muddy waters, parents dead clutching their children, a headless torso caught between branches of a tree - not a word accompanied these, but then I guess no words were needed.
Since then I have found a little voice in me piping up : "what is a life?".
This question has piped up since late Feb in me (why this specifc month - I can't and won't tell!)
While I am madly glad to be alive, I strained for an answer then, as I do now.
While my situation is by no means any comparison to Nargis and Sichuan victims / survivors - who perhaps have just stubs of potatoes and onions to live on indefinetely?
I wonder what was life to that 60 year old man who was pulled out alive from the rubble after 12 days - that has buried his past, present and future?
When more than 90,000 people in Asia return to dust within 14 days, life does seem cheap.
Or am I looking at it the wrong way around?
A task, for instance, may be hard, but once you accept that it is hard, then suffering loses its sting, and you just get on with it.
In the same way, I think, it is only when one accepts that birth, death and all the bumps and burps in between mean essentially nothing in fullness of time that one is truly freed to begin casting the risk-shy ego and invest one's life with meaning.
To love living while accepting the slings it brings also writes off the dead-weight debts to self we incur every day from anger, guilt, pride and heart break.
I wonder if love make meaning-ful which has somehow been rendered meaning-less?
Like the anecdotal hermit, I still have no answer as to what life is because, really, none is needed. I look around me, thank God that I can still see, sniff, touch, hear, talk and feel!
And what a joy it is just to be!
We see these everyday these days in the newspaper - bodies floating in muddy waters, parents dead clutching their children, a headless torso caught between branches of a tree - not a word accompanied these, but then I guess no words were needed.
Since then I have found a little voice in me piping up : "what is a life?".
This question has piped up since late Feb in me (why this specifc month - I can't and won't tell!)
While I am madly glad to be alive, I strained for an answer then, as I do now.
While my situation is by no means any comparison to Nargis and Sichuan victims / survivors - who perhaps have just stubs of potatoes and onions to live on indefinetely?
I wonder what was life to that 60 year old man who was pulled out alive from the rubble after 12 days - that has buried his past, present and future?
When more than 90,000 people in Asia return to dust within 14 days, life does seem cheap.
Or am I looking at it the wrong way around?
A task, for instance, may be hard, but once you accept that it is hard, then suffering loses its sting, and you just get on with it.
In the same way, I think, it is only when one accepts that birth, death and all the bumps and burps in between mean essentially nothing in fullness of time that one is truly freed to begin casting the risk-shy ego and invest one's life with meaning.
To love living while accepting the slings it brings also writes off the dead-weight debts to self we incur every day from anger, guilt, pride and heart break.
I wonder if love make meaning-ful which has somehow been rendered meaning-less?
Like the anecdotal hermit, I still have no answer as to what life is because, really, none is needed. I look around me, thank God that I can still see, sniff, touch, hear, talk and feel!
And what a joy it is just to be!
Monday, May 12, 2008
hmmmmm...........finally things make some sense! :)
1. If time doesn't wait for you, don't worry!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!
2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.
Think about it!
3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,but what we are inside
....So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!
4. Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!
5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!
6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said he who never lived, cannot die!
7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!
8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but most chose Marriage, slow sure!
9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!
10. All desirable things in life are eitherillegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
11. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!
Just remove the damn battery from the clock and Enjoy life!
2. Expecting the world to treat u fairly coz u r a good person is like expecting the lion not to attack u coz u r a vegetarian.
Think about it!
3. Beauty isn't measured by outer appearance and what clothes we wear,but what we are inside
....So, try going out naked tomorrow and see the admiration!
4. Don't walk as if you rule the world, walk as if you don't care who rules the world!
That's called Attitude…! Keep on rocking!
5. Every lady hopes that her daughter will marry a better man than she did and is convinced that her son will never find a wife as good as his father did!!!
6. He was a good man. He never smoked, drank had no affair.
When he died, the insurance company refused the claim.
They said he who never lived, cannot die!
7. A man threw his wife in a pond of Crocodiles?
He's now being harassed by the Animal Rights Activists for being cruel to the Crocodiles!
8. So many options for suicide: Poison, sleeping pills, hanging,jumping from a building, lying on train tracks, but most chose Marriage, slow sure!
9. Only 20 percent boys have brains, rest have girlfriends!
10. All desirable things in life are eitherillegal, banned, expensive or married to someone else!
11. 10% of road accidents are due to drunken driving.
Which makes it a logical statement that90% of accidents are due to driving without drinking!
Friday, May 9, 2008
What a pain - in the wrong place!
I have been living with a frozen shoulder for the last few months. At its worst, the pain shoots up and down from my left arm and shoulder and back of my neck.
I am currently getting some Chinese massage and acupressure treatment and its painful like hell.
Sometime back I wrote about a friend’s friend who is also in some kind of pain, but of a different kind though! She has been suffering from separation anxiety, away from her much married man friend with whom she had been for the last 15 years and now has been left in the lurch!
Jen is devastated and the pain she feels is acute.
This has got me wondering, which is worse - physical pain or mental pain?
The two can, of course, overlap.
My frozen shoulder is causing me enough worry at the thought of living with it for the rest of my life - is weighing heavily on me.
Jen's hurt has also manifested itself in physical ways, too. Her grief has weakened her immune system and she cant seem to eat and has headaches and fever often now-a-days.
But most of the world would agree that these are two different types of pain.
I guess the sharp pain of a toothache is certainly different from the distress that fills your being when your boyfriend leaves you. The extreme pain of a cancer cannot be the same as the death of a loved one.
Horrible as pain is, it exists for a purpose, according to scientists. Physical pain is part of the body’s defense system, so that when one knows of it, you know you have to disengage at once from the source of the pain. Physical pain, I think, also serves as signal that something is wrong with your body (I sound like a rocket scientist J).
But what purpose serves this mental pain is something I have not been able to fathom!
It is mostly the result of a emotional event, leading you perhaps to seek better options in life OR atleast make you more self aware.
The good thing about physical pain is that, at most times, it goes away. And if you have crossed the hump of severe pain, I can tell you that the feeling is wonderful.
I am not sure about this horrible thing called ‘mental pain’. This one is a harder nut to crack because the hurt ebbs and flows and there is no painkiller that one can swallow to make it go away forever!
Its said that time is a great healer. But I have seen people being haunted by this metal pain beast. Just when you think you have gotten over it, something triggers a memory and the pain comes flooding back. And other than death, the only and most common cause of this pain is that old chestnut called “LOVE”.
Life makes people carry around so much of this pain due to relationship woes – misplaced love, betrayed love, unrequited love, of never being able to attain that happy-ever-after scenario you want, (atleast not in this lifetime!), the pain of waiting, of missing someone so much that your heart would break the pain of trying to forget.
Even the pain of wanting more sex – as in the case of former NYC Governor Eliot Spitzer! J
I have now come to realize that romantic pain is silly and self-inflicted and selfish caused by our own ego. It’s very difficult for us to accept, let go and move on.
(They say if it’s really true then love comes back in any case! So why hold onto something!?!)
I guess, pain is an inevitable part of life and a fact of life and the alternative to it is not good either. If one is really looking at a painless life then it’s looking at non-existence – death!
Between the two, I know which side of the road I want to be, even if I’m experiencing an 8 or 9 or 10 on the Richter scale of pain.
I am currently getting some Chinese massage and acupressure treatment and its painful like hell.
Sometime back I wrote about a friend’s friend who is also in some kind of pain, but of a different kind though! She has been suffering from separation anxiety, away from her much married man friend with whom she had been for the last 15 years and now has been left in the lurch!
Jen is devastated and the pain she feels is acute.
This has got me wondering, which is worse - physical pain or mental pain?
The two can, of course, overlap.
My frozen shoulder is causing me enough worry at the thought of living with it for the rest of my life - is weighing heavily on me.
Jen's hurt has also manifested itself in physical ways, too. Her grief has weakened her immune system and she cant seem to eat and has headaches and fever often now-a-days.
But most of the world would agree that these are two different types of pain.
I guess the sharp pain of a toothache is certainly different from the distress that fills your being when your boyfriend leaves you. The extreme pain of a cancer cannot be the same as the death of a loved one.
Horrible as pain is, it exists for a purpose, according to scientists. Physical pain is part of the body’s defense system, so that when one knows of it, you know you have to disengage at once from the source of the pain. Physical pain, I think, also serves as signal that something is wrong with your body (I sound like a rocket scientist J).
But what purpose serves this mental pain is something I have not been able to fathom!
It is mostly the result of a emotional event, leading you perhaps to seek better options in life OR atleast make you more self aware.
The good thing about physical pain is that, at most times, it goes away. And if you have crossed the hump of severe pain, I can tell you that the feeling is wonderful.
I am not sure about this horrible thing called ‘mental pain’. This one is a harder nut to crack because the hurt ebbs and flows and there is no painkiller that one can swallow to make it go away forever!
Its said that time is a great healer. But I have seen people being haunted by this metal pain beast. Just when you think you have gotten over it, something triggers a memory and the pain comes flooding back. And other than death, the only and most common cause of this pain is that old chestnut called “LOVE”.
Life makes people carry around so much of this pain due to relationship woes – misplaced love, betrayed love, unrequited love, of never being able to attain that happy-ever-after scenario you want, (atleast not in this lifetime!), the pain of waiting, of missing someone so much that your heart would break the pain of trying to forget.
Even the pain of wanting more sex – as in the case of former NYC Governor Eliot Spitzer! J
I have now come to realize that romantic pain is silly and self-inflicted and selfish caused by our own ego. It’s very difficult for us to accept, let go and move on.
(They say if it’s really true then love comes back in any case! So why hold onto something!?!)
I guess, pain is an inevitable part of life and a fact of life and the alternative to it is not good either. If one is really looking at a painless life then it’s looking at non-existence – death!
Between the two, I know which side of the road I want to be, even if I’m experiencing an 8 or 9 or 10 on the Richter scale of pain.
Friday, April 18, 2008
Goodlooking Conundrum!
I don't think I would really want to date a very handsome man.
It's what I would call the George Clooney conundrum (puzzle) :)
On the one hand, who would'nt want to go out with the sexiest man alive - according to me and the People magazine, so it must be true.
On the other hand, even Mr Clooney has a downside.
I remember reading an aritcle about watching his latest squeeze at the Oscars. Most women probably envied her. The writer said she was not. She saw a receipe for disaster.
According to the aritcle - 'If she does'nt end with him, she's runined for life! Once you date George Clooney, the bar's set pretty high. And the Oscars are the summit of glamour.
How do you top that?
There she was in a coutoure gown, arm in arm with the most handsome man on the planet. Can you imagine? After that they break up and she has to start dating again, where's the next guy going to take her - the moon?
I guess the only way would be to the opposite end of the spectrum. A bald man without charm, looks or a libido. That can't be too hard to find :)
That's why I would prefer to date guys who are not movie-star calibre. Infact, the more ordinary, the better. Having low expectations means never being disappointed.
By sheer Darwinian logic, the partnerships that last are the one between equals, including equals in the physical sweepstakes. A woman can be a notch higher than the man, but still cannot be way out of his league or there'll be problems.
While attractive male friends are invariably paired with equally attractive females, many of my gal pals who are considered 'hot babes' are actually open to guys few notches below. They don't even consider it dating down!
So guys even if you are a Danny Devito , there is still hope if you can deliver good punchlines as most women magazine survey's on what women want top 'sense of humour' on the list, 'with a good heart' and 'must love dogs' as absloute essentials in a man.
And ofcourse near the bottom of the wish list, above 'able to hunt wild boar' and gather fire wood, is "preferably does not look like elephant man".
Pairing up someone who looks like, say Brad Pitt, must be terribly stressful unless you happen to be Angelina Jolie. Even though, am dead sure, she must be awfully insecure as well what with the multiude of women all around the world who must be plotting to get their claws on her man.
A friend of mine, so smitten was she looking at her good looking beau while driving crashed into a tree. Now, being older and more mature, she has learnt her lesson and says - "when I was younger I would have gone for a hunk. But these days its more important that the person is more into me. And so far I have not met a good-looking man who wasn't in love with himself".
I would add to that : Thanks but no thanks. I don't want to be second fiddle :)
Anyways, finally there is ONE very good reason why I will never go out with a handsome George Clooney look alike - so far, not one has asked me out :(
Darn......
It's what I would call the George Clooney conundrum (puzzle) :)
On the one hand, who would'nt want to go out with the sexiest man alive - according to me and the People magazine, so it must be true.
On the other hand, even Mr Clooney has a downside.
I remember reading an aritcle about watching his latest squeeze at the Oscars. Most women probably envied her. The writer said she was not. She saw a receipe for disaster.
According to the aritcle - 'If she does'nt end with him, she's runined for life! Once you date George Clooney, the bar's set pretty high. And the Oscars are the summit of glamour.
How do you top that?
There she was in a coutoure gown, arm in arm with the most handsome man on the planet. Can you imagine? After that they break up and she has to start dating again, where's the next guy going to take her - the moon?
I guess the only way would be to the opposite end of the spectrum. A bald man without charm, looks or a libido. That can't be too hard to find :)
That's why I would prefer to date guys who are not movie-star calibre. Infact, the more ordinary, the better. Having low expectations means never being disappointed.
By sheer Darwinian logic, the partnerships that last are the one between equals, including equals in the physical sweepstakes. A woman can be a notch higher than the man, but still cannot be way out of his league or there'll be problems.
While attractive male friends are invariably paired with equally attractive females, many of my gal pals who are considered 'hot babes' are actually open to guys few notches below. They don't even consider it dating down!
So guys even if you are a Danny Devito , there is still hope if you can deliver good punchlines as most women magazine survey's on what women want top 'sense of humour' on the list, 'with a good heart' and 'must love dogs' as absloute essentials in a man.
And ofcourse near the bottom of the wish list, above 'able to hunt wild boar' and gather fire wood, is "preferably does not look like elephant man".
Pairing up someone who looks like, say Brad Pitt, must be terribly stressful unless you happen to be Angelina Jolie. Even though, am dead sure, she must be awfully insecure as well what with the multiude of women all around the world who must be plotting to get their claws on her man.
A friend of mine, so smitten was she looking at her good looking beau while driving crashed into a tree. Now, being older and more mature, she has learnt her lesson and says - "when I was younger I would have gone for a hunk. But these days its more important that the person is more into me. And so far I have not met a good-looking man who wasn't in love with himself".
I would add to that : Thanks but no thanks. I don't want to be second fiddle :)
Anyways, finally there is ONE very good reason why I will never go out with a handsome George Clooney look alike - so far, not one has asked me out :(
Darn......
Monday, April 14, 2008
Leadership........or
Singapore is a country on the move, always.
Amazing amount planning goes into keeping this little red dot city state a first world country, relevant and enduring in the story of world civilisations.
Whether its planning 15 years ahead on a new reclaimed port terminal or airport or a new PM - the government machinery is always on the planning and pre-empting mode. Scenario planning and decisions and moves that the Goverment makes makes it work like a corporate, quiet literally!
PM Lee is already talking of his (unknown) successor! Considering he is just in his early 50's and still has another, atleast, a decade plus to go on (means another 2 elections of 5 years each still to go).
Singapore's first cabinet leaders have all long since gone from the scene, save MM Lee. The orderly succession planning he set in motion with SM Goh Chok Tong and onwards to current PM Lee Heien Loong - will face an uncertain transition. Probably Singapore's next PM is not even in politics as yet and certainly will not have legitimacy of previous PMs, conferred by MM.
Whew!
Lesson for organisations and perhaps countries .......
All this has got me wondering on what makes a good leader?
Leadership is, according to one definition : "The ability to secure the willing commitment of people to the achievement of specific objectives"
There are 4 key concepts here - :-
1. willing commitment
2. people
3. specific objectives
4. ability
Number 2 being most important according to me.
Leadership is not about just management but a natural consequence of one's integrity which is a sum total of one's experience.
It is both inspirational and aspirational in that it enables both the leader and the led to touch the better part of their own-selves. Its not just about getting work done, but I think it should help transcend our smaller selves and make us deliver the bigger purpose.
Like Gandhi...like Nelsen Mandela - selfless and yet selfish towards that common cause of the common man.
A leader should have the courage to follow convictions contrary to prevailing views and even one’s own inclination, and rise from the ability to be honest to nurturing and listening to the voice within.
While being different from the rest, a person can’t be a leader in isolation. He has to be a team player, realistic of individual and others strengths and weaknesses!
But being different always carries a price!
You have to have the guts, the honesty and be a people's person.
Each one of us is a leader in our own sphere.
We all are a mixed bag of people from different walks of life, thrown together by the call of history to create history.
Amazing amount planning goes into keeping this little red dot city state a first world country, relevant and enduring in the story of world civilisations.
Whether its planning 15 years ahead on a new reclaimed port terminal or airport or a new PM - the government machinery is always on the planning and pre-empting mode. Scenario planning and decisions and moves that the Goverment makes makes it work like a corporate, quiet literally!
PM Lee is already talking of his (unknown) successor! Considering he is just in his early 50's and still has another, atleast, a decade plus to go on (means another 2 elections of 5 years each still to go).
Singapore's first cabinet leaders have all long since gone from the scene, save MM Lee. The orderly succession planning he set in motion with SM Goh Chok Tong and onwards to current PM Lee Heien Loong - will face an uncertain transition. Probably Singapore's next PM is not even in politics as yet and certainly will not have legitimacy of previous PMs, conferred by MM.
Whew!
Lesson for organisations and perhaps countries .......
All this has got me wondering on what makes a good leader?
Leadership is, according to one definition : "The ability to secure the willing commitment of people to the achievement of specific objectives"
There are 4 key concepts here - :-
1. willing commitment
2. people
3. specific objectives
4. ability
Number 2 being most important according to me.
Leadership is not about just management but a natural consequence of one's integrity which is a sum total of one's experience.
It is both inspirational and aspirational in that it enables both the leader and the led to touch the better part of their own-selves. Its not just about getting work done, but I think it should help transcend our smaller selves and make us deliver the bigger purpose.
Like Gandhi...like Nelsen Mandela - selfless and yet selfish towards that common cause of the common man.
A leader should have the courage to follow convictions contrary to prevailing views and even one’s own inclination, and rise from the ability to be honest to nurturing and listening to the voice within.
While being different from the rest, a person can’t be a leader in isolation. He has to be a team player, realistic of individual and others strengths and weaknesses!
But being different always carries a price!
You have to have the guts, the honesty and be a people's person.
Each one of us is a leader in our own sphere.
We all are a mixed bag of people from different walks of life, thrown together by the call of history to create history.
Sunday, April 13, 2008
Life's reset button
In the last few months, life has been staring me in my face, head-on!
My mind wanders when I attend funerals.
I look around at the people who show up and wonder what sort of crowd would attract at my own funeral. I wonder how they would send me away, what kind of things would people say etc etc......In my short and yet not so short life, I have been through enough myself, heard, seen, felt the pain and joy of people around me.........but most importantly I ask myself : should my life end tomorrow, would I have been happy with the way I lived?
The answer turns on two key things, I think.
It is, first knowing what it is exactly that will make you happy.
Then secondly - and more importantly - it is having the guts to do it, for life has a strange uncanny what of whittling down options.
A case in point is the life of this lady, who is a friend of my friends. Lets call her Jen.
I got to know of Jen's rather sad and tragic life in one of those long lazy weekend discussions my friend and I get into ever so often about life and our times......there is so much hatred, lonliness, sadness, pain and un-fulfillment around!
Gosh - it really must hurt hell-va-lot.
It hurts so much that I don't even know how badly I'm hurt!
Anyways, getting back to Jen - a young professional, doing exceptionally well with an MNC, living alone. She has been in a relation with a married man for the last 15 years of her life! The man while completely and obsessively in love with her has not got around to marrying her as yet. Reasons are several - children were growing up; could not ditch his wife since she had no other means to live despite the fact that he does not love her and claims a 'functional' relation only with her; his old parents etc etc.
(I personally think he is a weak man and his fear of shame trumps taking real hard decisions)
Today, that man is back with his wife (because she threatened to leave him and the fear that his kids will disown him) Jen is heart broken and alone and lonely and can’t focus on her life. She has no way forward (at least for now). The only life she has known was dedicated to this man, centered on him, his happiness, his career, his duties and commitments.
While my friend has tried and tried hard to get her moving on in life………I don’t think she has been successful.
I have reasoned out with my friend that maybe, just maybe Jen is lucky to have gotten out of this scenario NOW and not later. Imagine, Jen could have been a discontented mother in a loveless marriage also.
Anyways, now, finally Jen will (hopefully) decide to move on. As they say, time is a great healer and no-one ever really died of a heartbreak! (ya ya I know I sound cynical)
The difference between the two scenarios (1. being in a dead-end relation and 2. taking a hard decision to move on) still takes my breath away. The second one is not easy. But it’s something the societal conviction insists Jen will not regret. The first one made her follow her heart and something / someone she really wanted! (But alas life has an uncanny way of whittling down dreams and love)
But now, whether forced case or otherwise, she has some figuring out to do in life.
Jen’s story is not the only story out there, of course. Many people, I have come across in life have altered their course in life to achieve happiness.
But I’ve also come across many who have not, even though it seems that they want too!
I don’t blame them because life can impose some very real constraints on people – from bread-and-butter issues; to expectations and conventions laid by society etc etc.
But then there are people like Jen who have hit the reset button on life once again, and try and get to where they really want to be.
Truth in life is that one can never ever be 100 per cent happy with life. The trick is to get away from zero and try and head for ‘around the 70 per cent mark’ at least!
So what if I really die tomorrow, I will at least go with a smile and my pocket fuller with what I’ve done than things left undone!
My mind wanders when I attend funerals.
I look around at the people who show up and wonder what sort of crowd would attract at my own funeral. I wonder how they would send me away, what kind of things would people say etc etc......In my short and yet not so short life, I have been through enough myself, heard, seen, felt the pain and joy of people around me.........but most importantly I ask myself : should my life end tomorrow, would I have been happy with the way I lived?
The answer turns on two key things, I think.
It is, first knowing what it is exactly that will make you happy.
Then secondly - and more importantly - it is having the guts to do it, for life has a strange uncanny what of whittling down options.
A case in point is the life of this lady, who is a friend of my friends. Lets call her Jen.
I got to know of Jen's rather sad and tragic life in one of those long lazy weekend discussions my friend and I get into ever so often about life and our times......there is so much hatred, lonliness, sadness, pain and un-fulfillment around!
Gosh - it really must hurt hell-va-lot.
It hurts so much that I don't even know how badly I'm hurt!
Anyways, getting back to Jen - a young professional, doing exceptionally well with an MNC, living alone. She has been in a relation with a married man for the last 15 years of her life! The man while completely and obsessively in love with her has not got around to marrying her as yet. Reasons are several - children were growing up; could not ditch his wife since she had no other means to live despite the fact that he does not love her and claims a 'functional' relation only with her; his old parents etc etc.
(I personally think he is a weak man and his fear of shame trumps taking real hard decisions)
Today, that man is back with his wife (because she threatened to leave him and the fear that his kids will disown him) Jen is heart broken and alone and lonely and can’t focus on her life. She has no way forward (at least for now). The only life she has known was dedicated to this man, centered on him, his happiness, his career, his duties and commitments.
While my friend has tried and tried hard to get her moving on in life………I don’t think she has been successful.
I have reasoned out with my friend that maybe, just maybe Jen is lucky to have gotten out of this scenario NOW and not later. Imagine, Jen could have been a discontented mother in a loveless marriage also.
Anyways, now, finally Jen will (hopefully) decide to move on. As they say, time is a great healer and no-one ever really died of a heartbreak! (ya ya I know I sound cynical)
The difference between the two scenarios (1. being in a dead-end relation and 2. taking a hard decision to move on) still takes my breath away. The second one is not easy. But it’s something the societal conviction insists Jen will not regret. The first one made her follow her heart and something / someone she really wanted! (But alas life has an uncanny way of whittling down dreams and love)
But now, whether forced case or otherwise, she has some figuring out to do in life.
Jen’s story is not the only story out there, of course. Many people, I have come across in life have altered their course in life to achieve happiness.
But I’ve also come across many who have not, even though it seems that they want too!
I don’t blame them because life can impose some very real constraints on people – from bread-and-butter issues; to expectations and conventions laid by society etc etc.
But then there are people like Jen who have hit the reset button on life once again, and try and get to where they really want to be.
Truth in life is that one can never ever be 100 per cent happy with life. The trick is to get away from zero and try and head for ‘around the 70 per cent mark’ at least!
So what if I really die tomorrow, I will at least go with a smile and my pocket fuller with what I’ve done than things left undone!
Saturday, April 12, 2008
Parallel Universe
I have been to Dharmshala several times for holidays and I have been blessed by the Dalia Lama in person. What an amazing innocent laughter he has. I still remember him telling me that I have very pretty and sad eyes! And that I shall get my happiness eventually, that I deserve!
Anyways, thats still to be realised but in the last few weeks the worldwide protests over Tibet have got me thinking, thinking about the many millions of people in Tibet who may never realise their dreams.
Seems unlikely in my lifetime atleast!
Anyways, China has always fascinated me. This is one country that I have yet not managed too travel though! Hopefully one day I shall cross the great wall......
In my last two years in Singapore, I have been confronted with various news reports in newspapers, tv, internet - about two China's - the official one that is mostly a sucess story, and the less pretty one that 'they' just do not want us to see.
The world is inundated with glowing facts and figures which show China's sizziling double-digit growth, that the country has come of age as a confident big nation and that this governments 'people first' has lifted 400 million out of poverty in the past 25 years etc etc
Infact, so enamoured I am with China that I have written in the past in my blog on its soft power.
But now........all under heaven is peaceful and happy - not!
For all its achievements, out on the pavements and dirt tracks, China has a parallel universe. This is where cagey clouds of tension hang. With months to go before the red carpet is rolled out for the Olympics, rights and social groups are reporting more interception and detention of the ordinary folks. As Beijing goes on a over drive to seperate appreances and reality, the ordinary common poor man will remain invisible and silenced.
Today China's counter-offensive moves against recent disturbances for 'free tibet' appear robust and excruciatingly detailed. While China has realised that importance of countering what it sees as adverse publicity, its efforts are unlikely to produce the desired results, given the country's overall non-transparent track record. They even fudged the actual records of SARs outbreak deaths in 2003!!
Detractors are unlikely to change their minds over Tibet despite the media campaign.
Like the boy who cried wolf, the problem that the Chinese government faces is that even when the truth is finally told, it may not be recognised as such!
Huge credibility problems..........
Anyways, thats still to be realised but in the last few weeks the worldwide protests over Tibet have got me thinking, thinking about the many millions of people in Tibet who may never realise their dreams.
Seems unlikely in my lifetime atleast!
Anyways, China has always fascinated me. This is one country that I have yet not managed too travel though! Hopefully one day I shall cross the great wall......
In my last two years in Singapore, I have been confronted with various news reports in newspapers, tv, internet - about two China's - the official one that is mostly a sucess story, and the less pretty one that 'they' just do not want us to see.
The world is inundated with glowing facts and figures which show China's sizziling double-digit growth, that the country has come of age as a confident big nation and that this governments 'people first' has lifted 400 million out of poverty in the past 25 years etc etc
Infact, so enamoured I am with China that I have written in the past in my blog on its soft power.
But now........all under heaven is peaceful and happy - not!
For all its achievements, out on the pavements and dirt tracks, China has a parallel universe. This is where cagey clouds of tension hang. With months to go before the red carpet is rolled out for the Olympics, rights and social groups are reporting more interception and detention of the ordinary folks. As Beijing goes on a over drive to seperate appreances and reality, the ordinary common poor man will remain invisible and silenced.
Today China's counter-offensive moves against recent disturbances for 'free tibet' appear robust and excruciatingly detailed. While China has realised that importance of countering what it sees as adverse publicity, its efforts are unlikely to produce the desired results, given the country's overall non-transparent track record. They even fudged the actual records of SARs outbreak deaths in 2003!!
Detractors are unlikely to change their minds over Tibet despite the media campaign.
Like the boy who cried wolf, the problem that the Chinese government faces is that even when the truth is finally told, it may not be recognised as such!
Huge credibility problems..........
Monday, April 7, 2008
Haves and the Have-nots
There's nothing quite like an airplane to emphasise the gulf between the haves and the have-nots.
Money talks. No where is it more apparent than in airplanes. It's a cruel world where the rich folks - or those working for rich companies which foot their travel bils - are clearly seperated from the rest.
If you are wealthy you sit right up in front in first or business class. If you are not, kindly join the unwashed way back in the economy or cattle class.
Everything is designed to emphasise the class divides!
It starts right from the time you check-in (red carpet versus ordinary grey ones), to how much luggage you can carry, to where you can kill time etc etc.
And it continues all the way into the plane - no queues, just stroll into an exclusive entrance - get seated with extravagant legroom, michellin-star food and more attentive service from prettier airhostess!
Oh and then they make you feel even more bad. The higher paying privileged ones deplane faster and be with their loved ones that much more quicker.
Man my poverty sucks!!
Back where I sit, we are packed like sardines in a can, the sponge in the headrest can disintegrate if you don't handle with care; inferior food served in plastic trays (make me feel humbled) and I can never ever catch the stewardess attenetion ever to get a (plastic) glass of water!!
Sigh!
Ya ya ok - I know I suffer from business class envy.
But its strange, other manifestions of rich versus not-so-rich divide never bothers me at all. I dont give a hoot if others possess the matieral accroutrements of modern life - nice bigger homes, gadgets, big cars, designer clothes, good looking rich husbands - which I most certainly lack.
For some strange reason, air travel has started to bring out the worst in me. And who can blame me when everything is crafted to stress the difference between the superior and the inferior.
I am LEO and apprantly have a big ego with a even bigger attiude and this stark divide makes a wee bit dent in my fragile ego :)
In anycase, I console myself, once you step off the plance, it's back to democracy. No matter how much caviar or Moet you've imbibed in the superior class, everyone has to walk through the same metal detector and be subjected to the same checks by immigration and no-where are these checks more mortifying and humilating than in the US and UK.
Besides, in the end, a flight is just that, a flight. It's not the journey that matters but the desitnation and what and "who" awaits you there. And if I have to go through this hell - I'll do it over and over again.
Money talks. No where is it more apparent than in airplanes. It's a cruel world where the rich folks - or those working for rich companies which foot their travel bils - are clearly seperated from the rest.
If you are wealthy you sit right up in front in first or business class. If you are not, kindly join the unwashed way back in the economy or cattle class.
Everything is designed to emphasise the class divides!
It starts right from the time you check-in (red carpet versus ordinary grey ones), to how much luggage you can carry, to where you can kill time etc etc.
And it continues all the way into the plane - no queues, just stroll into an exclusive entrance - get seated with extravagant legroom, michellin-star food and more attentive service from prettier airhostess!
Oh and then they make you feel even more bad. The higher paying privileged ones deplane faster and be with their loved ones that much more quicker.
Man my poverty sucks!!
Back where I sit, we are packed like sardines in a can, the sponge in the headrest can disintegrate if you don't handle with care; inferior food served in plastic trays (make me feel humbled) and I can never ever catch the stewardess attenetion ever to get a (plastic) glass of water!!
Sigh!
Ya ya ok - I know I suffer from business class envy.
But its strange, other manifestions of rich versus not-so-rich divide never bothers me at all. I dont give a hoot if others possess the matieral accroutrements of modern life - nice bigger homes, gadgets, big cars, designer clothes, good looking rich husbands - which I most certainly lack.
For some strange reason, air travel has started to bring out the worst in me. And who can blame me when everything is crafted to stress the difference between the superior and the inferior.
I am LEO and apprantly have a big ego with a even bigger attiude and this stark divide makes a wee bit dent in my fragile ego :)
In anycase, I console myself, once you step off the plance, it's back to democracy. No matter how much caviar or Moet you've imbibed in the superior class, everyone has to walk through the same metal detector and be subjected to the same checks by immigration and no-where are these checks more mortifying and humilating than in the US and UK.
Besides, in the end, a flight is just that, a flight. It's not the journey that matters but the desitnation and what and "who" awaits you there. And if I have to go through this hell - I'll do it over and over again.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Powerful Men, powerful urges
Sometimes the political coverage in American newspapers can make a gossipy filmfare or stardust look like an old church bulletin.
Just over the past few years, in Amercia alone one has read about so many scandals - New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevy confessing to a gay relation; some Senator caught playing footsie with an policeman in a airport toilet; some Congressman sent kinky messages to teenagers and now the latest bombshell the NY Governor Eliot Spitzer's trysts with expensive call girls!
And closer to home a recent scandelous blow-up of a think tank head in KL having a rolicking affair with a east european woman and then getting her killed when she was wanting to blow the whistle on their elicit relation and another healthy and wise Minister having a ball with a woman in a posh hotel all caught in action in camera!
Oh ya I how could I forget Bill Clinton's ever so famous remark - "I-did-not-have-sexual-relations-with-that-woman"!
The Spitzer scandal has set many a tounge wagging on the blogsphere, op-ed columns etc on whether men are just inherent horndogs; why should we care about personal indiscretions as long as they dont prevent the guy from doing his job; why should spouses give them another chance etc etc
I wonder if powerful men have even more poweful urges!
I really wonder how influentioal men with so much to loose, still indulge in such high risk behaviour?
Is it some death wish! Do they suddenly realise how lonely they have become after having spent so many years clawing their way to power.
Maybe.
But it could be that these high achievers are risk takers and that applies to their social or personal lives as well. Or maybe powerful men simply like being powerful and nothing is ever enough to satisfy them.
Guess, for them having a secret life is just possessing another level of power over others.
But then, I am pretty sure that ordinary Joes also lead secret exisitance - extra marital affairs, late-night porn surfing, visits to red light areas, etc etc.
The only difference these ordinary men have vis-a-vis their powerful counterparts is that their wives dont stand next to them when they confess to their world at a rostrum! And I guess mostly these ordinary folks dont have the kinda money to woo expensive call girls either.
But then am sure there are a few, just a few (weak) men, who are probably wired (in)correctly and their fear of shame trumps temptation. Thus avoiding any potential heart break, breach of trust, break in their exisiting commitments and duties (BTW - only for themselves and their loving wives) - so what if that is at the cost of ruining someone else's life! As they say, have your fun and keep safe at the same time and when it blows up, silently and conveniently move on!
And maybe that's just what entitles us ordinary folks to heep scorn on these (powerful) men who fall below our standards. We know how easy it is to be sleazy, so we put them in office and pay them big bucks to be better than us!
No wonder, just the other day I made a very emphathic statement to a friend saying that men are generally promiscuous. I was promptly asked if that was my experience talking.
Forget experience, does all this and probably more not justify what I say?
And, I dont think I am wrong! :)
Just over the past few years, in Amercia alone one has read about so many scandals - New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevy confessing to a gay relation; some Senator caught playing footsie with an policeman in a airport toilet; some Congressman sent kinky messages to teenagers and now the latest bombshell the NY Governor Eliot Spitzer's trysts with expensive call girls!
And closer to home a recent scandelous blow-up of a think tank head in KL having a rolicking affair with a east european woman and then getting her killed when she was wanting to blow the whistle on their elicit relation and another healthy and wise Minister having a ball with a woman in a posh hotel all caught in action in camera!
Oh ya I how could I forget Bill Clinton's ever so famous remark - "I-did-not-have-sexual-relations-with-that-woman"!
The Spitzer scandal has set many a tounge wagging on the blogsphere, op-ed columns etc on whether men are just inherent horndogs; why should we care about personal indiscretions as long as they dont prevent the guy from doing his job; why should spouses give them another chance etc etc
I wonder if powerful men have even more poweful urges!
I really wonder how influentioal men with so much to loose, still indulge in such high risk behaviour?
Is it some death wish! Do they suddenly realise how lonely they have become after having spent so many years clawing their way to power.
Maybe.
But it could be that these high achievers are risk takers and that applies to their social or personal lives as well. Or maybe powerful men simply like being powerful and nothing is ever enough to satisfy them.
Guess, for them having a secret life is just possessing another level of power over others.
But then, I am pretty sure that ordinary Joes also lead secret exisitance - extra marital affairs, late-night porn surfing, visits to red light areas, etc etc.
The only difference these ordinary men have vis-a-vis their powerful counterparts is that their wives dont stand next to them when they confess to their world at a rostrum! And I guess mostly these ordinary folks dont have the kinda money to woo expensive call girls either.
But then am sure there are a few, just a few (weak) men, who are probably wired (in)correctly and their fear of shame trumps temptation. Thus avoiding any potential heart break, breach of trust, break in their exisiting commitments and duties (BTW - only for themselves and their loving wives) - so what if that is at the cost of ruining someone else's life! As they say, have your fun and keep safe at the same time and when it blows up, silently and conveniently move on!
And maybe that's just what entitles us ordinary folks to heep scorn on these (powerful) men who fall below our standards. We know how easy it is to be sleazy, so we put them in office and pay them big bucks to be better than us!
No wonder, just the other day I made a very emphathic statement to a friend saying that men are generally promiscuous. I was promptly asked if that was my experience talking.
Forget experience, does all this and probably more not justify what I say?
And, I dont think I am wrong! :)
Saturday, March 22, 2008
The big, unstoppable "O"
One would think Senator Barack Obama had already won the Democratic presidential nominations, judging by how presumptive Republican nominee John McCain has been choosing to rip into him time and again.
The fact that he is drawaing top-level fire, is cretainly a sign that he is surging, perhaps unassailably, ahead of Hillary Clinton.
And according me, his die-hard fan, he is rolling fast and steady despite a few bumps here and there towards the White House.
Forget the Republicans, even Hillary Clinton has been jabbing at him at every given chance. But the big "O" remains calm and civil and presidential, if you please. He infact, thanks to Mr and Mrs Clinton, has even improved on his debatitng skills and catching up with her so called ability to think on his feet and master the details on key issues.
He has to snuff out the fire coming from McCain and the Republicans to disprove Hillary's assertion that she would be a better able to stand upto to the Republicans in the November general election.
His 'hope and change' stump rally speeches have me stumped and excited.
He has started a movement.
And despite everything, his momentum remains intact.
'Hope and change' is what is needed damn badly in the world today.
Needed even more badly in India and the institutions that work to make India what it is.
Otherwise.............
Hirearchy of an organsiation is like a tree full of monkeys.........those at the top see only monkeys below and those at the bottom only see assholes above!
:)
The fact that he is drawaing top-level fire, is cretainly a sign that he is surging, perhaps unassailably, ahead of Hillary Clinton.
And according me, his die-hard fan, he is rolling fast and steady despite a few bumps here and there towards the White House.
Forget the Republicans, even Hillary Clinton has been jabbing at him at every given chance. But the big "O" remains calm and civil and presidential, if you please. He infact, thanks to Mr and Mrs Clinton, has even improved on his debatitng skills and catching up with her so called ability to think on his feet and master the details on key issues.
He has to snuff out the fire coming from McCain and the Republicans to disprove Hillary's assertion that she would be a better able to stand upto to the Republicans in the November general election.
His 'hope and change' stump rally speeches have me stumped and excited.
He has started a movement.
And despite everything, his momentum remains intact.
'Hope and change' is what is needed damn badly in the world today.
Needed even more badly in India and the institutions that work to make India what it is.
Otherwise.............
Hirearchy of an organsiation is like a tree full of monkeys.........those at the top see only monkeys below and those at the bottom only see assholes above!
:)
Monday, March 10, 2008
Being nice gets you nowhere
Being nice gets you nowhere - literally!
Everyday is a new day. There are new lessons I learn about people and their behaviour. Essentially I am convinced that these medicore people (in most cases women) cover their weakness in the garb of their aggressiveness, bossiness, nastiness, bitchiness etc etc
And everytime I narrate 0ne of these new incidents to my best friend, she is surprised at me at still getting surprised at such things. Its inherent human nature. If they are not being any of the above, then its time to be surprised and worried for them :)
But then I cant help it, by nature I am a curious being and every new act intrigues me further about us human beings. And I can never ever figure out why and how a woman can be so mean and bitchy (espcially to another of the same species at work or otherwise!).
Anyways, for starters, I decided to look up the webster dictionary to get the exact definition of "bitch" = "a malicious, spiteful or domineering woman" and this word is sometimes used as a generalised term of abuse.
Genetically, a woman is the caretaker, who nutures, keeps the family or society together and the man has always been the hunter, the provider to the family or society.
I thought its not in the DNA of a woman to be a person who rhymes with witch. Even using the actual "B" word appalls me. Its so vulgar, so incendiary. Its not a word I would use lightly on someone - even though I can easily think of a few who easily qualify - and definitely not what I would want to be called by others either.
BUT yet I must confess, I do call life a bitch! (sometimes).
I remember reading an article in Washington Post sometime back on expectation from the next US President - wanted someone (man or woman) to be a 'bitch' ; 'outspoken'; comanding; unworried about pleasing everybody and wont bow to pressure!' -
Wow!
Thank god I am certainly not running to be a president. I dont think I would like to fullfill the criteria desptie the all supposed benefits.
Whenever I watch the reality TV shows like the The Apprentice, I marvel at how being assertive and manipulative pays off. If I were to appear on the show, I would be the first person Mr Donald Trump would announce "You're fired".
Forget at work, even being nice in love does not pay off.
This being good in love not paying off fact came to surface just yesterday, when I was browsing through a bookstore and chanced upon this book called "Why Men love Bitches and Why men marry bitches"! by Sherry Arpov. Her premise is that men are not looking to marry a doormat but a strong sprited woman who can stand for herself.
In my mind, that is not the definiton of a bitch but what every woman should be.
So what even if you give the reassurance to the man that while you are his strong sprited soul mate, his duties and commitments come first AND he still in turn sheds you off at the first and foremost instance for no fault or reason!
Anyways, to me the b-word applies to the women who back-stab you at work and then throw hissy fits on how rude and arrogant you are instead. How much medicore and insecure can some of us become.
We, the women, who are programmed from young to be sugar and spice and everything nice in this big, bad, bitchy world!
Everyday is a new day. There are new lessons I learn about people and their behaviour. Essentially I am convinced that these medicore people (in most cases women) cover their weakness in the garb of their aggressiveness, bossiness, nastiness, bitchiness etc etc
And everytime I narrate 0ne of these new incidents to my best friend, she is surprised at me at still getting surprised at such things. Its inherent human nature. If they are not being any of the above, then its time to be surprised and worried for them :)
But then I cant help it, by nature I am a curious being and every new act intrigues me further about us human beings. And I can never ever figure out why and how a woman can be so mean and bitchy (espcially to another of the same species at work or otherwise!).
Anyways, for starters, I decided to look up the webster dictionary to get the exact definition of "bitch" = "a malicious, spiteful or domineering woman" and this word is sometimes used as a generalised term of abuse.
Genetically, a woman is the caretaker, who nutures, keeps the family or society together and the man has always been the hunter, the provider to the family or society.
I thought its not in the DNA of a woman to be a person who rhymes with witch. Even using the actual "B" word appalls me. Its so vulgar, so incendiary. Its not a word I would use lightly on someone - even though I can easily think of a few who easily qualify - and definitely not what I would want to be called by others either.
BUT yet I must confess, I do call life a bitch! (sometimes).
I remember reading an article in Washington Post sometime back on expectation from the next US President - wanted someone (man or woman) to be a 'bitch' ; 'outspoken'; comanding; unworried about pleasing everybody and wont bow to pressure!' -
Wow!
Thank god I am certainly not running to be a president. I dont think I would like to fullfill the criteria desptie the all supposed benefits.
Whenever I watch the reality TV shows like the The Apprentice, I marvel at how being assertive and manipulative pays off. If I were to appear on the show, I would be the first person Mr Donald Trump would announce "You're fired".
Forget at work, even being nice in love does not pay off.
This being good in love not paying off fact came to surface just yesterday, when I was browsing through a bookstore and chanced upon this book called "Why Men love Bitches and Why men marry bitches"! by Sherry Arpov. Her premise is that men are not looking to marry a doormat but a strong sprited woman who can stand for herself.
In my mind, that is not the definiton of a bitch but what every woman should be.
So what even if you give the reassurance to the man that while you are his strong sprited soul mate, his duties and commitments come first AND he still in turn sheds you off at the first and foremost instance for no fault or reason!
Anyways, to me the b-word applies to the women who back-stab you at work and then throw hissy fits on how rude and arrogant you are instead. How much medicore and insecure can some of us become.
We, the women, who are programmed from young to be sugar and spice and everything nice in this big, bad, bitchy world!
Friday, March 7, 2008
Ouch - these sissies......
The Straits Times sunday edition recently carried a story headlined "Love me, Spoil Me" about Singaporean women's high expectations of men.
And mind you, one of the key expecations is for their men to carry their hand bags !
(Ahem, my male friends from India should certainly take note of this.)
On reading this report, I thought it to be a wee bit silly and far fetched.
But loh behold, I actually witnessed this scene in person recently.
While in a taxi queue after buying groceries recently (some days after reading that report), I had a chance to observe this first-hand. A guy actually carrying his girl-friend's hand bag!!
Look at that guy, I exclaimed, tugging at my friend and her boyfriend (who was with her) and he ofcourse royally ignored me. 'Do what', he snarled edging our grocery trolley.
Thats when I realised that men generally have spatial awareness.
But imagine in this day and age of womens lib and equality, women actually expect men to behave like this! I expect a man - whatever age or stature, to atleast open the door or perhaps offer to pay (specially on the first date). BUT carry my hand bag - NO WAY!
A woman's bag, I thought, was a public manifestion of her feminity. Whether a big tote or a teeny weeny purse, its actually a deep dark cavern within which lurks make-up, money and several other personal stuff and her gossip sotrer (mobile phone and that telephone diary) - etc etc.
My handbag - is typically for me, a palce which requires rummaging whenever I need something damn fast and now - like a ringing mobile, or my ever elusive keys. A place where items are felt and never seen by anyone else other than the owner. My very own private space in a public set-up :). And mind you a man (in this case a potential prospective boyfriend, alas if and when I get one) would put his hand in there at his peril.
Anyways, coming back to that guy carrying the handbag. Well, to me, he looked like just another accessory to that girl (in this case, I dont envy her at all at having such a sissy guy). And worse, the bag was so big, and he just about her height - gosh poor thing, he looked shrunken.
I cant imagine a stooped, hand carry, dwarf to be boy friend matieral - though I must confess it was a tad bit bitchy on my part to think that way (or are the grapes sour!).
No matter how liberated a woman I maybe or sometimes (to my conveneince) traditional and conventional, to me a man has to be a man and behave like a man. I cant imagine a macho man in a polo tee with a hand bag - what a damn fashion faux pas.
A man should be a man. Wear the pants in the relation, be steadfast and sturdy in his commitment, stand by you through thick and thin, grow old with you and love you to death even when you are wrinkled and old and nagging etc etc - Its a basic primal thing.
I wonder at such women (like the one I saw with the handbag carrying guy), who are so smug with a triumphant look I sometimes see on women (specially the not-so-pretty ones), who seem to inwardly be declaiming to a sceptic like me "GOT HIM"! (okay okay, lady I too will have my arm candy - a real man man, some day)
Well, with such couples all I can say - she got the man and he got her bag.
Such women are on a pedestal, the world does not matter. And he knows his place! - well Bliss be unto them.
Sometimes I do watch such people / couples with a wee bit of envy, a look of regret.
But acutally, I would never dream of such a relation or a man.
For the reality is, I know a man cannot multitask - managing me, my handbag and the grocery trolley :)
Until then, I try and remember 'patience is genius' and I am waiting and wondering......
And mind you, one of the key expecations is for their men to carry their hand bags !
(Ahem, my male friends from India should certainly take note of this.)
On reading this report, I thought it to be a wee bit silly and far fetched.
But loh behold, I actually witnessed this scene in person recently.
While in a taxi queue after buying groceries recently (some days after reading that report), I had a chance to observe this first-hand. A guy actually carrying his girl-friend's hand bag!!
Look at that guy, I exclaimed, tugging at my friend and her boyfriend (who was with her) and he ofcourse royally ignored me. 'Do what', he snarled edging our grocery trolley.
Thats when I realised that men generally have spatial awareness.
But imagine in this day and age of womens lib and equality, women actually expect men to behave like this! I expect a man - whatever age or stature, to atleast open the door or perhaps offer to pay (specially on the first date). BUT carry my hand bag - NO WAY!
A woman's bag, I thought, was a public manifestion of her feminity. Whether a big tote or a teeny weeny purse, its actually a deep dark cavern within which lurks make-up, money and several other personal stuff and her gossip sotrer (mobile phone and that telephone diary) - etc etc.
My handbag - is typically for me, a palce which requires rummaging whenever I need something damn fast and now - like a ringing mobile, or my ever elusive keys. A place where items are felt and never seen by anyone else other than the owner. My very own private space in a public set-up :). And mind you a man (in this case a potential prospective boyfriend, alas if and when I get one) would put his hand in there at his peril.
Anyways, coming back to that guy carrying the handbag. Well, to me, he looked like just another accessory to that girl (in this case, I dont envy her at all at having such a sissy guy). And worse, the bag was so big, and he just about her height - gosh poor thing, he looked shrunken.
I cant imagine a stooped, hand carry, dwarf to be boy friend matieral - though I must confess it was a tad bit bitchy on my part to think that way (or are the grapes sour!).
No matter how liberated a woman I maybe or sometimes (to my conveneince) traditional and conventional, to me a man has to be a man and behave like a man. I cant imagine a macho man in a polo tee with a hand bag - what a damn fashion faux pas.
A man should be a man. Wear the pants in the relation, be steadfast and sturdy in his commitment, stand by you through thick and thin, grow old with you and love you to death even when you are wrinkled and old and nagging etc etc - Its a basic primal thing.
I wonder at such women (like the one I saw with the handbag carrying guy), who are so smug with a triumphant look I sometimes see on women (specially the not-so-pretty ones), who seem to inwardly be declaiming to a sceptic like me "GOT HIM"! (okay okay, lady I too will have my arm candy - a real man man, some day)
Well, with such couples all I can say - she got the man and he got her bag.
Such women are on a pedestal, the world does not matter. And he knows his place! - well Bliss be unto them.
Sometimes I do watch such people / couples with a wee bit of envy, a look of regret.
But acutally, I would never dream of such a relation or a man.
For the reality is, I know a man cannot multitask - managing me, my handbag and the grocery trolley :)
Until then, I try and remember 'patience is genius' and I am waiting and wondering......
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
A life beyond
Last few days, weeks have been one of the worst my life has offered so far.
I have had a long furious debates with myself.
I realised that while this phase will not physically kill me, but yet something inside has died. Its like life loosing blood.
I have imagined every possible scenario and have relaised that I am a worry wort.
I fret over my parents health, their quarrels, sibling antipathy, office politics, my friends and their loved ones and the problems that may face them even if they are lovey-dovey because really, how long can harmony last? I really wonder how long does open-ended love last?
All happy families resemble one another. Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way!
Its a frame of mind I've brought to my own life. I worry, I worry a lot, and I worry all the time.
Come to think of it, maybe I enjoy it. Maybe I feel safer when I expect the worst.
If I fret and bad things don't happen (discounting the fact that there could have been a low probability of them happening otherwise, anyways! You see I am pretty convinced that I suffer from bad luck in life for I never ever get what I want), could it mean that fretting can prevent disasters from unfolding in my life? (They fold any ways, in the most natural way :)
It's what psychologists call "magical thinking" and believe me its addictive.
My logic is that worry isn't totally bad. It can be good when it focuses the mind to anticipate and avoid dangers.
If the worry about feeling destitute is always at the back of ones mind, chances are that one will be more careful with money. Or if health is a worry, then hopefully people would adopt good lifestyles and positive frame of mind.
But worry has become bad for me as it has paralysed my ability to have a normal relation with my life. It is debilitating to see my last few years through the eyes of fear of loosing, of fear -making me feel anxious all the time. And then still having lost out totally and actually.
I have been worrying all along about reaching the end or ultimate goal of my journey of life. When fate has actually thrown curveballs and snuffed out things / people from my life in matter of split seconds before even reaching my final destination.
So?
Now I am trying to work on "Dont worry. Be happy" (well - do I have a choice? - thats the cynical me again trying to argue otherwise)
You see positive thinking is like this ...............a little bird in the sky. You look up and it shits in your eyes. You dont mind and you dont cry.....You just thank god that cow and elephants dont fly!
Guess, being happy does not mean everything is perfect. It simply means that you've decided to see beyond imperfections.
I have had a long furious debates with myself.
I realised that while this phase will not physically kill me, but yet something inside has died. Its like life loosing blood.
I have imagined every possible scenario and have relaised that I am a worry wort.
I fret over my parents health, their quarrels, sibling antipathy, office politics, my friends and their loved ones and the problems that may face them even if they are lovey-dovey because really, how long can harmony last? I really wonder how long does open-ended love last?
All happy families resemble one another. Each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way!
Its a frame of mind I've brought to my own life. I worry, I worry a lot, and I worry all the time.
Come to think of it, maybe I enjoy it. Maybe I feel safer when I expect the worst.
If I fret and bad things don't happen (discounting the fact that there could have been a low probability of them happening otherwise, anyways! You see I am pretty convinced that I suffer from bad luck in life for I never ever get what I want), could it mean that fretting can prevent disasters from unfolding in my life? (They fold any ways, in the most natural way :)
It's what psychologists call "magical thinking" and believe me its addictive.
My logic is that worry isn't totally bad. It can be good when it focuses the mind to anticipate and avoid dangers.
If the worry about feeling destitute is always at the back of ones mind, chances are that one will be more careful with money. Or if health is a worry, then hopefully people would adopt good lifestyles and positive frame of mind.
But worry has become bad for me as it has paralysed my ability to have a normal relation with my life. It is debilitating to see my last few years through the eyes of fear of loosing, of fear -making me feel anxious all the time. And then still having lost out totally and actually.
I have been worrying all along about reaching the end or ultimate goal of my journey of life. When fate has actually thrown curveballs and snuffed out things / people from my life in matter of split seconds before even reaching my final destination.
So?
Now I am trying to work on "Dont worry. Be happy" (well - do I have a choice? - thats the cynical me again trying to argue otherwise)
You see positive thinking is like this ...............a little bird in the sky. You look up and it shits in your eyes. You dont mind and you dont cry.....You just thank god that cow and elephants dont fly!
Guess, being happy does not mean everything is perfect. It simply means that you've decided to see beyond imperfections.
Friday, February 22, 2008
Essence of existence
It all boils down to the essence of existence :-
Follow the Dog's rule of life..........
"If you can't eat or "f" it, piss on it and move on"
It would make more sense if the life's circle was all backwards.
Grave to the cradle .............. :)
One should die first and get death out of the way.
Then you live in an old age home with pension. Get you PF and start working.
You work 40 years until you are young enough to enjoy retirement.
You booze, party, and then get ready for high school.
Then you become a kid, play, have no worries.
Become a little baby, go back into the womb, spend your last 9 months floating.................and finish off as an orgasm.
Life rocks!
Follow the Dog's rule of life..........
"If you can't eat or "f" it, piss on it and move on"
It would make more sense if the life's circle was all backwards.
Grave to the cradle .............. :)
One should die first and get death out of the way.
Then you live in an old age home with pension. Get you PF and start working.
You work 40 years until you are young enough to enjoy retirement.
You booze, party, and then get ready for high school.
Then you become a kid, play, have no worries.
Become a little baby, go back into the womb, spend your last 9 months floating.................and finish off as an orgasm.
Life rocks!
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Fair virtue
Until now, my life has proven wrong the long held theory of mine that "if you really want something badly then nature conspires to grant it to you"!
I guess I have yet not absored the things I have done in life and thats why they keep repeating themselves.
Living is like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights but you can make the whole trip that way!
Unfullfilled and ..............
Thats why people like me like to believe that 'fairness' is a virtue only because the world is so unfair'.
I guess I have yet not absored the things I have done in life and thats why they keep repeating themselves.
Living is like driving a car at night. You never see further than your headlights but you can make the whole trip that way!
Unfullfilled and ..............
Thats why people like me like to believe that 'fairness' is a virtue only because the world is so unfair'.
Saturday, February 16, 2008
Change
I was reading some heavy funda stuff on love and commitments etc the other day.
I disntinctly remember, it said that when a person is in need of cataclysmic change, of a whole new center in personality, for instance, his or her psyche would induce an infatuation, an erotic attachment, an intense falling-in-love. Analyst say falling in love was the oldest, most ruthless catalyst on earth.
But dont we typically fall in love with something missing in our selves (or our lives!)?
Our 'that' special loved one cant give something that is not already ours.
When we truly find love, we find ourselves.
We often fear the thing we want the most.
And then we cry for someone who does not deserve our tears because the deserving one would never let you cry. S0, why cry for someone, why let them be a priority in your life, when you are just an option for them?!
Life begins at the end of our comfort zone.
I disntinctly remember, it said that when a person is in need of cataclysmic change, of a whole new center in personality, for instance, his or her psyche would induce an infatuation, an erotic attachment, an intense falling-in-love. Analyst say falling in love was the oldest, most ruthless catalyst on earth.
But dont we typically fall in love with something missing in our selves (or our lives!)?
Our 'that' special loved one cant give something that is not already ours.
When we truly find love, we find ourselves.
We often fear the thing we want the most.
And then we cry for someone who does not deserve our tears because the deserving one would never let you cry. S0, why cry for someone, why let them be a priority in your life, when you are just an option for them?!
Life begins at the end of our comfort zone.
Fulcrum of influence
When I was in a Delhi a few weeks, I remember two particular stories which intrigued me, they reeked of sick flamboyance of two different kinds.
First story - Late one evening a few forthnights ago, it seems Rahul Gandhi (the handsome loose cannon!) dropped in on a village in his constituency. He claims to be a development economist was discussing his ideas, which carried onto the night and he accepted a simple meal offerd by some dalit women and then rested on a charpai (string cot) until daybreak.
A gesture like this under normal circumstances by an ordinary soul like me perhaps would have gone unnoticed. But the sicon of the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty trying to build his political career caught the media attention.
Guess, India is getting ready for elections, perhaps this year, and any gesture by a leading politican is watched for fresh meaning.
Bill Clinton or Barack Obama eating a hamburger anywhere would go unnoticed I am sure.
Story two - Anyways, Rahul Gandhi found lodgings in a dalit's house without fear of his personal security was driving yet another stiletto into India's 'current' hottest political prospect - Mayawati Naina Kumari (BTW - until now I dint know she had such a loooooong name :).
Bhen Maya, a former teacher, is the first and ONLY Dalit Chief Minister (I keep telling my Dad, that I have been into a wrong family - should have been either in a richie rich or OBC - and bhoy oh bhoy- where would I be then !).
Mayawati was born poor and has seen a meteoric rise in Indian politics. Her majority now ensures that she is a force to reckon with. Mayawati astutely gave large number of seats to muslims and upper caste brahamins and has assembled a rainbow coalition that had served as Congress vote bank until now.
With power, comes flamboyance. This one time poor dalit now mass leader now seems fears her personal security, celebrates her birthday in style wearing diamonds with slimy bureaucrats finger-feeding cake to their boss! (sic)
Today she has insatiable thurst for diamonds and her wealth seems to multiply each year and her power by the moment.
In recent state elections her candidates ate into the Congress votes and gave the victories to BJP instead (though she hates them equally). And with this she can now demand at will dollops of funds from the Congress govt for her state .
What an irony - it was Rahul Gandhi attracted large crowds during the UP elections, BUT it was Mayawati who got the power.
She has a dream to head to Delhi and she is journeying her way there by overturning the power patterns making her the fulcrum of influence.
First story - Late one evening a few forthnights ago, it seems Rahul Gandhi (the handsome loose cannon!) dropped in on a village in his constituency. He claims to be a development economist was discussing his ideas, which carried onto the night and he accepted a simple meal offerd by some dalit women and then rested on a charpai (string cot) until daybreak.
A gesture like this under normal circumstances by an ordinary soul like me perhaps would have gone unnoticed. But the sicon of the Nehru-Gandhi dynasty trying to build his political career caught the media attention.
Guess, India is getting ready for elections, perhaps this year, and any gesture by a leading politican is watched for fresh meaning.
Bill Clinton or Barack Obama eating a hamburger anywhere would go unnoticed I am sure.
Story two - Anyways, Rahul Gandhi found lodgings in a dalit's house without fear of his personal security was driving yet another stiletto into India's 'current' hottest political prospect - Mayawati Naina Kumari (BTW - until now I dint know she had such a loooooong name :).
Bhen Maya, a former teacher, is the first and ONLY Dalit Chief Minister (I keep telling my Dad, that I have been into a wrong family - should have been either in a richie rich or OBC - and bhoy oh bhoy- where would I be then !).
Mayawati was born poor and has seen a meteoric rise in Indian politics. Her majority now ensures that she is a force to reckon with. Mayawati astutely gave large number of seats to muslims and upper caste brahamins and has assembled a rainbow coalition that had served as Congress vote bank until now.
With power, comes flamboyance. This one time poor dalit now mass leader now seems fears her personal security, celebrates her birthday in style wearing diamonds with slimy bureaucrats finger-feeding cake to their boss! (sic)
Today she has insatiable thurst for diamonds and her wealth seems to multiply each year and her power by the moment.
In recent state elections her candidates ate into the Congress votes and gave the victories to BJP instead (though she hates them equally). And with this she can now demand at will dollops of funds from the Congress govt for her state .
What an irony - it was Rahul Gandhi attracted large crowds during the UP elections, BUT it was Mayawati who got the power.
She has a dream to head to Delhi and she is journeying her way there by overturning the power patterns making her the fulcrum of influence.
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
Just another day
Maybe I have become more cynical, but seriously, do more expensive roses and candlelit dinners truly show your love for "that" someone?!
By the way, I think I am as romantic as any other female. I adore long walks (in the gardens in Delhi OR perhaps the beach in Singapore) at sunset and I would never ever turn down roses ( just imagine, which by the way were once bought for me from the temeple across my office in Delhi!) or chocolates - all cliched tokens of love.
But honestly, I draw the line - at candlelit dinners, I would most certainly like to see what I am eating and preferably see the face sitting across me as well :)
In Singapore recently, a newspaper carried a special supplement giving ideas on what gifts to buy and where to spend Valentine's Day or night!.
Imagine some of the bizarre ideas and costs - a trip on the Singapore Flyer which comes with a glass of champagne each (no food mind you expcept a box of chocolates) @ SGD 390 for a 1/2 hour ride. The capsule will have a theme (I am presuming some photos of half naked babes (btw - why would I want my man to be oggling at them on this so called special day!) and some hearts hanging around!) with some background music. And by the way you if you do get into a lovey dovey mood, you gotta behave yourself because you would be sharing the capsule with 10 other couples!
And if you want complete privacy, then couples have to be prepared to pay SGD 3,990 to block the entire capsule for yourself.
Bizaare !
Instead, I would rather recommend that you book a london cab for SGD 250 which comes with your own violinist and 3 roses and a ride anywhere of your choice.
I have failed to understand why and how these opportunistic businesses jack-up prices on 14th Feb - right from roses to chocolates to just about anything. Perhaps over the years I have become more cynical (or should I say practical) as these grand gestures of amour become even grander.
Honestly, I have nothing against these couples who choose to sip champagne on giant ferris wheels or take the cable car dinner - if they can afford it and gives them their true love - good for them lah!
What would really make me go weak in the knees is someone cleaning my house, cooking (non-candlelit - for I dont want my house on fire rather than my heart), doing my grocery and laundry and ironing.
Guess this is no guys idea of romance.
But hey if I am beginning to sound like sour grapes then let me assure you that I am not some bitter old maid who has never been showered with Valentine roses (remember the ones from the temple once upon a time :)
And I was given a wrought iron (ugly) lion (because I am leo!) and a very delicate cut glass ganesh statue with a bell and some paulo cohelo books and some fab India tops)
Hey, If I have forgotten to say thank you - then I really really mean it today. From the bottom of my heart.
And for the times that I did not get a gift, I always remember this car sticker which said "I got you nothing because that's what you wanted. XYZ" - so forgiven :)
But on a serious note - if one is secure with each other that the relationship is not determind by "that" one day of the year, well, isn't that better than the chocolates and the flowers?!
Truly the best present is the gift of your heart and soul and commitment to "that" someone.
Shouldn't everyday be Valentine Day!
By the way, I think I am as romantic as any other female. I adore long walks (in the gardens in Delhi OR perhaps the beach in Singapore) at sunset and I would never ever turn down roses ( just imagine, which by the way were once bought for me from the temeple across my office in Delhi!) or chocolates - all cliched tokens of love.
But honestly, I draw the line - at candlelit dinners, I would most certainly like to see what I am eating and preferably see the face sitting across me as well :)
In Singapore recently, a newspaper carried a special supplement giving ideas on what gifts to buy and where to spend Valentine's Day or night!.
Imagine some of the bizarre ideas and costs - a trip on the Singapore Flyer which comes with a glass of champagne each (no food mind you expcept a box of chocolates) @ SGD 390 for a 1/2 hour ride. The capsule will have a theme (I am presuming some photos of half naked babes (btw - why would I want my man to be oggling at them on this so called special day!) and some hearts hanging around!) with some background music. And by the way you if you do get into a lovey dovey mood, you gotta behave yourself because you would be sharing the capsule with 10 other couples!
And if you want complete privacy, then couples have to be prepared to pay SGD 3,990 to block the entire capsule for yourself.
Bizaare !
Instead, I would rather recommend that you book a london cab for SGD 250 which comes with your own violinist and 3 roses and a ride anywhere of your choice.
I have failed to understand why and how these opportunistic businesses jack-up prices on 14th Feb - right from roses to chocolates to just about anything. Perhaps over the years I have become more cynical (or should I say practical) as these grand gestures of amour become even grander.
Honestly, I have nothing against these couples who choose to sip champagne on giant ferris wheels or take the cable car dinner - if they can afford it and gives them their true love - good for them lah!
What would really make me go weak in the knees is someone cleaning my house, cooking (non-candlelit - for I dont want my house on fire rather than my heart), doing my grocery and laundry and ironing.
Guess this is no guys idea of romance.
But hey if I am beginning to sound like sour grapes then let me assure you that I am not some bitter old maid who has never been showered with Valentine roses (remember the ones from the temple once upon a time :)
And I was given a wrought iron (ugly) lion (because I am leo!) and a very delicate cut glass ganesh statue with a bell and some paulo cohelo books and some fab India tops)
Hey, If I have forgotten to say thank you - then I really really mean it today. From the bottom of my heart.
And for the times that I did not get a gift, I always remember this car sticker which said "I got you nothing because that's what you wanted. XYZ" - so forgiven :)
But on a serious note - if one is secure with each other that the relationship is not determind by "that" one day of the year, well, isn't that better than the chocolates and the flowers?!
Truly the best present is the gift of your heart and soul and commitment to "that" someone.
Shouldn't everyday be Valentine Day!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Saturday, February 9, 2008
Drop your masks Hillary!
Super Tuesday was meant to be the day when everything about the US Presidential nomination races became clear.
But the results were pretty much on the contrary atleast for the Democrats.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama seem condemned to cotinue their long, weary battel for supremacy.
But the interesting thing emerging is the changing tacks of Mrs Clinton - masks she seems to be shedding or changing ever so frequently!
In her case, her campaign appears to be getting ready to undergo yet another transformation!
Uff - what all lusting for power can make one do!
This former first lady began the race by projecting herself as the inevitable winner.
When this did not work out, she listed her husband's support. Bill Clinton turned out to be a disaster for her - his appearances complete with personal attacks against Barack Obama, all backfired.
Now, we are witnessing the emergence of a third tack / mask of Mrs Clinton - implausibly portraying herself as the underdog!, the candidate with less money, a fragile person (crying at the drop of hat these days! - she did not cry when Bill was being impeached because of ' a little bit of Monica in his life'!) determined to continue the good fight!
Just yesterday I was planning to blog my support for you against critics of your wrinkles and age! I wanted to hail women power! But not now, not after todays reports. Just this morning I read in the newspapers that you have appealed to your financial backers by saying " I have never asked so much of you as I am now, but the need has never been greater"
whew!
The legendary Clinton machinery restoring to such desperate measures!
Mrs Clinton, your problems is that, at least in the near future, Mr Barack Obama will be doing all the running! Until you drop all the masks and reveal the REAL you, tears, wrinkles et all
BUT, my smart money is on Obama.
But the results were pretty much on the contrary atleast for the Democrats.
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama seem condemned to cotinue their long, weary battel for supremacy.
But the interesting thing emerging is the changing tacks of Mrs Clinton - masks she seems to be shedding or changing ever so frequently!
In her case, her campaign appears to be getting ready to undergo yet another transformation!
Uff - what all lusting for power can make one do!
This former first lady began the race by projecting herself as the inevitable winner.
When this did not work out, she listed her husband's support. Bill Clinton turned out to be a disaster for her - his appearances complete with personal attacks against Barack Obama, all backfired.
Now, we are witnessing the emergence of a third tack / mask of Mrs Clinton - implausibly portraying herself as the underdog!, the candidate with less money, a fragile person (crying at the drop of hat these days! - she did not cry when Bill was being impeached because of ' a little bit of Monica in his life'!) determined to continue the good fight!
Just yesterday I was planning to blog my support for you against critics of your wrinkles and age! I wanted to hail women power! But not now, not after todays reports. Just this morning I read in the newspapers that you have appealed to your financial backers by saying " I have never asked so much of you as I am now, but the need has never been greater"
whew!
The legendary Clinton machinery restoring to such desperate measures!
Mrs Clinton, your problems is that, at least in the near future, Mr Barack Obama will be doing all the running! Until you drop all the masks and reveal the REAL you, tears, wrinkles et all
BUT, my smart money is on Obama.
Friday, February 8, 2008
Obama ki "Maya"
I am self confessed Barack Obama fan.
Though mind you I have no love for America or Amercians as such!
This middle class small town man, African Amercian, has suddenly landed center stage and has caught the world's imagination and mine too :)
For some inexplicable reason I am becoming increasingly interested in geo-politics and personalities. And in the last few months two people have me gripped - UP's Mayawati and this Senator from Illinois, USA - Barack Obama.
The two come from humble backgrounds and from virtually no-where landed themselves on the respective national polotical secne. Both are relatively young and represent minrotries in their respective countries.
They both in a very uncanny way have played their election sums in a rather similar shrewd way. They both started by first getting the support of the majority races and then focusing on the miniority races. Obviously hoping that the miniority votes would come their way once the winds were blowing in their favour.
Mayawati won an unprecdented elecation in UP's history on the vote bank of the Brahamins, Muslims and the Dalit just happened to fall into the BSP ballot boxes.
The good looking, well spoken Barack Obama while insisting to the majority whites that this election is not about an African wnating to make history in the White House, is cashing in on this ethnic factor by far the most so far.
While he is not the first black presidential candidate, but then neither did Reverend Jesse Jackson in 1984 and 1988 no Reverened Al Sharpton in 2004 come as close to being nominated by democartic party.
While Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama may go hoasrse trying to convenience themseleves (atlest the outer fascade) and the American and the world that this election is not about gender or enthicity. But then these are the respective votes that both of them are banking on resepctively.
Ironically, Barack Obama has shattered the aura of invincibility that has shrouded Hillary Clinton. He is getting votes 1/3 votes from female voters. He is giving the Americans, irrespective of race or colour, the soaring message of hope and generational political changes, which is thrilling crowds wherever he has been travelling.
That's the aura and change the Mayawati has promised to deliver winning from the majority and delivering (hopefully) for the miniority dalits.
During my recent holidays, I happened to drive a lot around Noida, Greater Nodia, Aligarh etc in UP - change is in the air, its coming and coming fast (ofcourse with the rider that whatever develeopment is allowed has to be at the cost of major per centage going into the Maya-BSP kitty!)
But for the moment, keep your honest conscience at bay for the sake of the people of UP (and perhaps India for Maya seems to be slowly and gradually paving the road for "the" hot seat in New Delhi come 2009).
Anyways back to the USA elections. D despite the results of Super Tuesday results with Hilliary Clinton wearing her heart on her sleeve and tears in her eyes (by the way her wrinkles are all too visible) I am still rooting for Barack Obama.
Though mind you I have no love for America or Amercians as such!
This middle class small town man, African Amercian, has suddenly landed center stage and has caught the world's imagination and mine too :)
For some inexplicable reason I am becoming increasingly interested in geo-politics and personalities. And in the last few months two people have me gripped - UP's Mayawati and this Senator from Illinois, USA - Barack Obama.
The two come from humble backgrounds and from virtually no-where landed themselves on the respective national polotical secne. Both are relatively young and represent minrotries in their respective countries.
They both in a very uncanny way have played their election sums in a rather similar shrewd way. They both started by first getting the support of the majority races and then focusing on the miniority races. Obviously hoping that the miniority votes would come their way once the winds were blowing in their favour.
Mayawati won an unprecdented elecation in UP's history on the vote bank of the Brahamins, Muslims and the Dalit just happened to fall into the BSP ballot boxes.
The good looking, well spoken Barack Obama while insisting to the majority whites that this election is not about an African wnating to make history in the White House, is cashing in on this ethnic factor by far the most so far.
While he is not the first black presidential candidate, but then neither did Reverend Jesse Jackson in 1984 and 1988 no Reverened Al Sharpton in 2004 come as close to being nominated by democartic party.
While Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama may go hoasrse trying to convenience themseleves (atlest the outer fascade) and the American and the world that this election is not about gender or enthicity. But then these are the respective votes that both of them are banking on resepctively.
Ironically, Barack Obama has shattered the aura of invincibility that has shrouded Hillary Clinton. He is getting votes 1/3 votes from female voters. He is giving the Americans, irrespective of race or colour, the soaring message of hope and generational political changes, which is thrilling crowds wherever he has been travelling.
That's the aura and change the Mayawati has promised to deliver winning from the majority and delivering (hopefully) for the miniority dalits.
During my recent holidays, I happened to drive a lot around Noida, Greater Nodia, Aligarh etc in UP - change is in the air, its coming and coming fast (ofcourse with the rider that whatever develeopment is allowed has to be at the cost of major per centage going into the Maya-BSP kitty!)
But for the moment, keep your honest conscience at bay for the sake of the people of UP (and perhaps India for Maya seems to be slowly and gradually paving the road for "the" hot seat in New Delhi come 2009).
Anyways back to the USA elections. D despite the results of Super Tuesday results with Hilliary Clinton wearing her heart on her sleeve and tears in her eyes (by the way her wrinkles are all too visible) I am still rooting for Barack Obama.
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